


All Your Tomorrows Start Here

by musicalfreak86



Series: Holiday Fics [2]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Holtzmann meets the parents, New Years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-09-30 21:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10172894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalfreak86/pseuds/musicalfreak86
Summary: Holtzmann goes home with Erin for New Years. Including but not limited to: awkward family encounters, adorable cousins, and a ghost from the past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been promising this fic for quite a while now and for some reason I just can't get it to a point where I feel entirely satisfied with it. I figured that if I didn't just go ahead and post it that I never would, so here it is! It's a direct sequel to my other fic "Flu for Christmas." You don't have to read that one to get this one, but ya know...it would be nice. ;)
> 
> Also, please bear with me. I'm working a lot and rehearsing a lot and I just don't have a ton of free time, so updates may be slow but I'm going to try my best to get them out as quickly as possible! As a result, I haven't actually gifted this to anyone yet because I'm worried that if life slaps me in the face I may end up having to put this on hold for a while and I'd feel really bad. But I will put a few dedications on here!
> 
> To ljthebard and tigerlo: I want to thank you again for "We'll go to the edge together." I know I talk about this fic so much, but it's truly a masterpiece, and to my readers, if you haven't checked that one out please go do it!! This one isn't going to be anywhere near the caliber of that one, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. :)
> 
> And to smolholtz: Here's the sequel to your secret santa gift that I keep promising! Thank you so much for the conversation and encouragement along the way! I hope you enjoy this one as well. :)

“Holtzmann, do you have a moment?”

Holtzmann looked up from the new gadgets she was building for her proton pack. With the lull in busts that had come with the holidays she had finally gotten the time to work on some new toys, and she preferred to add her experiments to her own pack for testing before gifting them to the other women on the team. If something were to malfunction she would rather be the one to go poof than any of these women who had become a family to her in such a short amount of time.

“What’s up E?” she asked, setting her tools down and hopping over her workbench to approach Erin’s desk. The physicist was smiling up at her from where she was sitting in her chair, her expression reassuring Holtzmann that whatever it was she wanted to talk about wasn’t serious. Despite the nonchalance she usually carried herself with being asked to talk was one of Holtzmann’s worst nightmares. She did her best not to show it but she had the tendency to jump to the worst conclusion and immediately spiral into an internal panic all in the few seconds it took her to actually find out what the other person wanted to talk about.

“I wanted to talk to you about New Years,” Erin said, following the statement up by blowing her nose. She had recovered from her illness quickly, which told Holtzmann that she probably hadn’t had the flu; more than likely it had just been a very aggressive cold. She had been back on her feet within two days but the congestion and coughing had yet to go away.

Holtzmann sat carefully on the edge of the desk, watching her closely for signs that she was about to try letting her down easy. They had been together for less than a week after all—maybe a little too soon to bring someone home for the holidays. It had been a long time since Holtzmann had actually tried her hand at a relationship and so she couldn’t be sure.

“I was thinking about leaving a little earlier. Since it’s such a long drive and all. Unless you want to book a flight. But that’s expensive. I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Erin was looking at her a little anxiously, her expression and her hands twisting in her lap mirroring what Holtzmann was feeling inside. If she weren’t confused and still a little worried she would find her rambling cute.

But instead she hesitated, taken aback by Erin’s asking her opinion on the matter when she had already talked herself into believing she was about to be rejected. “Um…” Erin’s face fell at the hesitation and Holtzmann realized her mistake quickly. “You…still want me to go with you?” she asked tentatively, hoping that she wasn’t walking herself straight into a letdown.

“Of course! If you still want to that is.” She looked down, speaking to her desk instead of to Holtzmann. “Do you still want to?” After a moment of silence she peered up through her bangs and caught sight of Holtzmann’s grin.

“Of course I want to!” she declared happily, hopping off the desk so she could spin Erin’s office chair around and kiss her soundly. “But isn’t it a little too soon? I don’t want to make things worse with your parents.” She tugged at a loose thread that was sticking out of Erin’s collar, refusing to meet her eyes.

Erin gently brushed her hand away before she unraveled her whole blouse. “Holtz, I know we haven’t actually been together that long, but if you count the amount of time I wasted wishing it would happen instead of acting on those wishes, then I think this has been a long time coming.” She paused, biting her lip as she realized her own boldness and not even registering the cautiously hopeful look on Holtzmann’s face. “As for my parents…they’ll be okay. I think after having a daughter who catches ghosts for a living, me being in a relationship with a woman might honestly be a smaller shock. Maybe.”

Holtzmann gave her a small smile, still trying to convince herself that Erin really did want her around. “So how soon is soon?”

“Is two days too soon?” Erin asked, worry playing across her face. She reached out and twisted a strand of Holtzmann’s hair between her fingers. “I mean, I can try to postpone, or we can get a flight. It’s just such a long drive.”

“No Erin, it’s perfect,” Holtzmann said, leaning forward to kiss her again, gentler this time. She lingered, the feeling of being this close still new to her and yet so familiar, as though they had been together for much longer than just a week. She felt Erin smile against her mouth and pulled back.

“You know what this means, right?” she asked, sliding back over to her workbench and picking up her tools. She grinned mischievously at the apprehensive look on Erin’s face. “Road trip playlist!” She hit the button on her stereo with her elbow and Erin rolled her eyes as her music filled the lab.

*****

“Did you tell them I was coming?”

They were walking up the driveway to Erin’s childhood home, having parked the hearse on the street for the time being. After much begging and bribing on Holtzmann’s part Patty had let them borrow the new and improved vehicle with the dire warning that it better come back in one piece and that her uncle would have all of their skins if another one got damaged. Or thrown into a portal. Erin had suggested they park it out of view of the house at least for now so her parents wouldn’t have heart attacks at the sight, and looking at the pristine house Holtzmann found she had to agree.

The driveway wasn’t terribly long but to Holtzmann it felt like forever when coupled with her newfound nerves at the prospect of meeting Erin’s parents. She didn’t think she had ever gotten to the point in a relationship where she was brought home to meet the family. Although no one had ever told her right out she suspected that part of the reason was because she was just too out there. The realization that Erin trusted her enough and _liked_ her enough to take this plunge so soon made her heart swell and battle against her nerves.

She adjusted her bag over her shoulder although it wasn’t heavy at all. Being used to moving around a lot had made her adept at packing light, carrying just one bag along on the journey. Erin, on the other hand, was lugging a large rolling suitcase behind her as they trudged toward the house. Holtzmann could tell from her posture and the way she walked that she was nervous as well and felt almost guilty about tagging along even though Erin had said she wanted her to go.

“I did,” Erin replied with a little hesitation in her voice. Holtzmann figured that even if Erin’s parents were glued to the front windows that they couldn’t really see them well at this point, so she reached out and took Erin’s hand in her own, stopping her in her tracks.

“Erin, should I be here?” she asked quietly. As much as she tried she was unable to keep the worry and slight hurt out of her voice. She had been so happy when Erin asked her to come along a week ago but now she couldn’t help but wonder if she should have just stayed behind at the firehouse. Her heart clenched at the thought but she knew that there was enough drama with Erin’s family as it stood. She would hate to know that she had been the cause of even more. She looked down at her feet as the overwhelming feeling of _not fitting_ suddenly washed over her, finding it hard to meet Erin’s eyes.

“Holtzmann! Of course you should be here!” Erin said, propping her suitcase up so she could cup Holtzmann’s cheek. “I want you here and that’s all that matters. I really did tell them you were coming. And I even told them that we’re dating. My mom she—she wasn’t thrilled, but she said to bring you. It’s progress Holtz, and it’s progress that I’m glad to be making with you.”

Holtzmann managed a small smile, still unsure despite Erin’s declaration. Erin was looking at her with the same expression she had worn when she got off the call with her cousins at Christmas; even through the nerves she looked as though Holtzmann had just handed her the moon. With a quick glance at the house to be sure no one was coming their way Holtzmann leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against her lips before pulling away.

“Lessgo,” she said with a wink, grabbing the handle of Erin’s suitcase and taking off down the driveway, Erin protesting behind her.

*****

Despite the small amount of teasing they shared as Holtzmann complained about Erin packing the entire firehouse, Holtzmann’s nerves returned as they reached the front door. She could tell Erin was anxious as well from the way she twisted her hands now that they were free of the suitcase. She herself was apprehensive of the reception she would get from Erin’s parents.

Erin knocked on the door and Holtzmann could see her hand shaking. She wanted to reach out and stop the trembling but she also didn’t want the first image Erin’s mother had to be of them holding hands, so she kept one on the handle of Erin’s suitcase and the other firmly gripped around her own bag’s shoulder strap.

There were a few moments of quiet before they heard footsteps on the other side of the door. There was a click and the door opened to reveal a surprisingly soft looking older woman. She was in her mid-sixties and while her hair was almost entirely grey Holtzmann could tell that before it had been the same rich shade of brown as Erin’s. She was a little shorter than Erin, but still taller than Holtzmann, and she had the look of someone who was once thin like her daughter but had gotten plump with age. Despite her grandmotherly appearance her smile was strained.

“Hello, Erin, dear,” she said, and while her words were kind Holtzmann could detect the same strain behind them. She chanced a sideways glance at Erin and had to smile when she spotted the family resemblance. Erin’s mouth pulled in the exact same way as her mother’s when she was stressed out.

“Hi mom,” Erin responded, still rooted to the spot. Her fists were clenched at her sides so that her knuckles were turning white and it was, once again, all Holtzmann could do not to take her hand and coax the tension from her. Instead, she extended her hand in the direction of Erin’s mother. “This is Jillian Holtzmann, mom,” Erin said, looking a little startled by Holtzmann’s boldness.

“You can call me Holtz,” she said, flashing Mrs. Gilbert the biggest grin she could muster in the hopes of breaking some of the tension. There was a pause and the air felt thick around them. Mrs. Gilbert’s gaze moved from Holtzmann’s extended hand to Erin and then finally came to rest on the suitcase that Holtzmann still had a hold of. Something about the sight of Holtzmann pulling her daughter’s suitcase for her seemed to make the fire behind her eyes soften just a bit.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jillian,” Mrs. Gilbert said, taking Holtzmann’s hand in a gentle but strong grasp. Holtzmann tried to keep the distress off her face at the use of her first name and chanced a sideways glance at Erin to gauge her response. For a moment Erin looked startled and Holtzmann was surprised to see that she was a little wistful as she moved in to hug her mother.

Holtzmann took a step back and stood awkwardly as Erin and her mother embraced. She looked up at the pristine house and found her eyes drawn to a room in the upper left-hand corner. It had a paint-it-yourself stained glass butterfly stuck to the window and she realized with a jolt that it must be Erin’s childhood bedroom. The same bedroom where the ghost of her neighbor had tormented her for so long.


	2. Chapter 2

Erin’s reunion with her father felt like much less of an emotional upheaval. He came home from the store shortly after they arrived and Holtzmann was silently thankful for the distraction. They had been sitting at the table with Mrs. Gilbert for no longer than a half hour but they had already exhausted all the conversation they could think of, Erin’s mother determinedly avoiding the topic of their work. Holtzmann had even told the epic tale of the flat tire they had on the way, a story she definitely had not been intending to tell her girlfriend’s high strung mother. As she watched Erin and her father embrace more warmly than she and her mother had, she reminded herself to patch the tire. Spares weren’t good for long trips and she didn’t want to risk anything happening on their way home. Especially not with the way Mrs. Gilbert was looking at her as though she was appraising her and finding her an unexpectedly satisfactory match for her daughter.

“So I hear you’re the brilliant nuclear engineer,” Mr. Gilbert said, extending a hand to Holtzmann. She snapped out of her thoughts quickly and masked her surprise as she jumped up from her chair eagerly to shake it. She had never been one to go out of her way to please parents. Or rather, none of her past partners had ever given her the chance and in her mind she had assumed she wouldn’t be the type anyway. But in this case she found that she _wanted_ to, because Erin was looking at her over her father’s shoulder like she had given her the world and Holtzmann wanted to be sure that she would continue to look at her like that for a very long time.

“Yes sir,” she replied, surprised to hear the formality coming from herself. She wondered exactly how much Erin told her parents about her, but her question was answered a beat later.

“I’ve saved a few newspaper clippings about your team,” Mr. Gilbert said, turning back to his daughter as Holtzmann awkwardly put her hands in her pockets so she wouldn’t fidget too much. “It’s not every day that you see your daughter in the news because she saved New York City.”

Erin’s mouth dropped open and she met Holtzmann’s eyes again over her father’s shoulder but before she could say anything there was a loud pounding at the door and for the moment the subject was dropped.

*****

Erin’s little cousins had the energy of several medium poofs. Especially Eloise, the littlest one. She ran straight into Erin’s arms with enough force to barrel her over had she not been well trained to brace for impact. Despite the small successes they had with Erin’s parents Holtzmann could tell that this was what Erin had really been looking forward to. She wore her first genuine smile of the day as she hugged her littlest cousin.

The child wasn’t still for long, however, not content just to be hugged by Erin. In a flash she had run over to where Holtzmann was standing and hugged her around the knees, looking up at her with wide eyes, her wild blonde curls sticking out all over her head.

“Jillian,” she said, her smile revealing a missing front tooth. “You came!”

“Of course I did,” Holtzmann said, kneeling down so she was on the same level as the child. “I had to meet Erin’s cousins.”

“I’m Eloise. I’m five. I like horses and ballet,” she glanced back at her mother before tugging on Holtzmann’s hair to make her lean closer so she could whisper in her ear. “I also like building things. But shh. That’s a boy thing.”

Holtzmann pulled back a little from Eloise so she could get a look at the child’s mother. She was watching her daughter’s antics with more than a little apprehension, as though she was prepared for Eloise to embarrass her. Holtzmann knew the expression well from her own childhood and her stomach took a nasty plunge at the memory. Her eyebrows knitted together and she shifted her gaze back to meet Eloise’s.

“Guess what,” she whispered back, catching the child’s attention fully with her conspiratorial tone. “I like to build things too. It’s my job. So no, it’s not just a boy thing, I promise.”

Eloise’s eyes went wide again as though Holtzmann had just told her the best secret in the world. “Will you show me?”

Holtzmann nodded and smiled. “Of course I will.” Eloise squealed and danced on the spot.

“That’s my brother, Hugo,” she said, distracted once more as she pointed. “He’s eight. And that’s Claire and Juliet. They’re not our sisters though. They’re our cousins but not like Auntie Erin who isn’t really our aunt. She’s our cousin, too. Claire and Juliet are seven and nine. But Auntie Erin is _old_ to be a cousin. Do you know how old she is? She’s—“

“Okay, thank you Eloise,” Erin interrupted, scooping the child up into her arms. Holtzmann chuckled as she looked at the other children. Hugo had curly hair like his sister but it was dark like the rest of Erin’s family. He and Claire were both smiling shyly at Holtzmann but Juliet was more standoffish, eyeing Holtzmann like she was trying to figure out if she liked her or not. She walked over to where Erin was standing and gave her a brief hug before plopping herself down on the sofa and burying her nose in a book she produced from her bag.

“It’s good to see you Erin,” Eloise and Hugo’s mother Shannon said, giving her a warm hug. The older cousin looked to be about Erin’s age, with the same thin figure and dark hair. Holtzmann was beginning to realize that this must be a family trait and wondered where Eloise got her crazy blonde curls. “I hate that we can’t stay. It’s been so long since we’ve gotten to catch up.”

“What do you mean?” Erin asked, and Holtzmann couldn’t miss the flash of hurt that crossed her face. Eloise had squirmed down from Erin’s grasp and was now piling what seemed to be every toy she had ever owned into Holtzmann’s lap, but Holtzmann focused her attention on the conversation happening between cousins instead of the overexcited child who was once again chattering away.

“We got tickets to a concert in Detroit this weekend so just the kids are staying here for the new year. We figured they’d have much more fun here than with us.” Erin’s cousin didn’t even seem to register the disappointment that was written all over Erin’s face, but Holtzmann could read it loud and clear even from across the room.

“Oh, alright then,” Erin said, smiling in a way that Holtzmann knew was forced. “I’m sure you’ll have fun.” She hugged her cousin, and when Shannon turned and gave her a curious and slightly confused look Holtzmann just gave her her customary two fingered salute in response. The woman had done nothing to make her want to introduce herself further.

After Erin’s parents cordially saw Shannon out Holtzmann carefully put Eloise’s toys down on the floor and ignored the child’s mild protests as she stood and took a few quick steps to where Erin was standing, wrapping her arms around her. She could tell by the way Erin didn’t pull away in fear of her mother walking back into the room that she was definitely upset. They may not have been dating for long, but the team had been friends for a while now—long enough that Holtzmann could read any of the Ghostbusters like a book.

They pulled apart just as Mrs. Gilbert came back into the room. The tension that had begun to break in the kitchen returned immediately when she saw the two standing so close to one another.

“I’ve fixed up the guest bedroom for the two of you,” she said, stiffly. The children paid the tense atmosphere no mind but Holtzmann could feel Erin go rigid beside her. “The beds aren’t big but there are two of them so maybe you’ll feel more comfortable.”

The words left unspoken hung heavy in the air and Holtzmann chanced a sideways glance at Erin. She could sense that Erin was bristling at her mother’s words, but when it came right down to it she didn’t have any idea what sleeping arrangements Erin would be most comfortable with. The only time they had slept together in one bed was when Erin was sick, and Holtzmann didn’t want to push anything too fast.

But before either of them had the chance to respond Mrs. Gilbert turned to the children. “And I’ve got you all set up in Erin’s old room, just like at Christmas,” she said, her expression softening and her tone light. Hugo and Claire nodded and grabbed their bags, lugging them up the stairs like this was old news. Juliet followed a moment later, closing her book with a sharp snap and giving Holtzmann a small smile as she passed by. Holtzmann felt a little relieved that the girl didn’t seem to hate her after all.

Only Eloise stayed rooted to her spot on the floor, her toys surrounding her and her eyes wide with something Holtzmann could only assume was fear.

“I don’t want to stay in there,” she said in a wobbly tone of voice. There was a clatter as she dropped the toys she was holding and Holtzmann noticed that her hands were actually shaking. Even Mrs. Gilbert looked taken aback by the sudden change in her demeanor.

“What do you mean, Eloise?” she asked, taking a step closer to the suddenly petrified child. The slight sharpness under her words suggested there was something she wasn’t saying but Eloise said it for her.

“I’m scared,” she said, shrinking away from Mrs. Gilbert as she crouched down next to her.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, dear,” Mrs. Gilbert said. She began picking up Eloise’s toys and putting them back in her bag. “We’ll just get these put away and then we can take your things upstairs.”

“No, no!” Eloise yelled, getting up and running over to where Holtzmann and Erin were standing. She wrapped her arms around Holtzmann’s legs again and she reached down to place her hands on the child’s shoulders in what she hoped was a soothing manner. Eloise buried her face against Holtzmann’s stomach and she could feel the tell-tale wetness of tears through the fabric of her shirt.

“Mom, what’s going on?” Erin asked, all tension replaced by worry for Eloise. This was only the second time Holtzmann had met Erin’s cousins but judging from her and her mother’s reactions this was not typical behavior for the little girl. Mrs. Gilbert heaved a heavy sigh before standing up from where she was still crouched. When she spoke her voice was hushed like she didn’t want Eloise to hear what she was saying even though she was right there in front of her. Holtzmann could remember when she was young and adults would speak as though she didn’t exist even though she was in the room. Even at such a young age she had resented it. Her hands stiffened just slightly on Eloise’s shoulders at the memory.

“When the children were here for Christmas your father and I set them up in your old bedroom. We thought it would be more fun for them there than in the guest bedroom. For the first few nights everything was fine, but then Eloise started waking up with these terrible nightmares.” She dropped her voice even further, obviously trying not to upset Eloise more than she already was. Holtzmann rubbed the child’s back, trying to soothe her and reassure her that she knew she was still there. “The nightmares got so bad that she wouldn’t sleep in the room anymore. I had hoped that maybe she would have gotten over her fear by now but it looks like it hasn’t gotten any better.”

She looked like she was at a loss for what to do about the child, so Erin moved to pick her up. Eloise clung tighter to Holtzmann, causing her to stumble slightly. “No, no!” she said again, the tears flowing once more.

“It’s okay,” Holtzmann said quietly to Erin. She reached down and hooked her hands under the child’s arms, lifting slowly so Eloise had time to protest if she didn’t want to be picked up. Instead she wrapped herself around Holtzmann like a koala, allowing herself to be rocked gently.

“We’ll talk to her, mom,” Erin said, taking Holtzmann by the crook of the elbow and leading her into the living room. Holtzmann caught a glance at Mrs. Gilbert’s face and noticed that she looked like she had more on her mind than she was saying. She made a slight move toward them, as though she meant to stop them, before sighing and turning back to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making no promises, but maybe I can get a rhythm going and post once a week! I hope there aren't too many mistakes here. I proofed this so many times that eventually everything blurs together and I stop even seeing words, so there's a good chance something weird has still slipped past me. x.x
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this little adventure. Thank you to those who have left kudos and especially comments so far! I check this so often for comments and I swear I grin like an idiot when I read them. They motivate me to keep writing so keep them coming! ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, but the title of this fic is a quote from a collection of Neil Gaiman short stories. I'm not actually sure which story it is, I just found the quote and felt it fit. If anyone knows let me know cause I'd love to read it!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Also, I do not own Ghostbusters.

When they reached the living room Holtzmann tried to put Eloise on the sofa between them but she continued to cling, burying her wet face into her neck. Holtzmann looked at Erin, worried that she would be upset that her littlest cousin seemed so attached to her, but the only emotion she saw on Erin’s face was concern.

“Eloise, honey,” Erin said, reaching out to put a hand on the child’s back. “Eloise, why won’t you sleep upstairs with your cousins? They’ll miss you.” Holtzmann could sense hesitation in Erin’s voice, as though she knew more than she was letting on and felt uncomfortable pushing the child to go against a fear they both shared.

“I’m scared,” Eloise repeated, sounding exhausted from being upset. She nuzzled further into Holtzmann’s embrace, going a little limp as she calmed down, and Erin couldn’t help but smile. The sight of her head tucked under Holtzmann’s chin really was cute. Their hair was almost exactly the same color and while Holtzmann looked quite at home with the child in her lap her eyes were a little wide as she looked at Erin.

“What are you scared of Eloise?” she asked, never breaking eye contact with Erin. Erin watched her, feeling as though Holtzmann already knew the answer and was gauging her reaction.

“There’s a ghost up there. It lives in that room,” Eloise said, her voice muffled against Holtzmann’s shirt. The effect of her words was immediate. Holtzmann felt Erin go rigid beside her. This was what she had been worried about but she didn’t have much of a choice in asking Eloise what was wrong. If there really was a ghost still in the room it needed to be taken care of, especially with the other children sleeping up there. She couldn’t help but wonder why Eloise was the only one who had seen it so far.

Erin stuttered out an excuse and rose from the sofa, all but running out of the room. Holtzmann’s first instinct was to go after her, but she knew she couldn’t properly attend to Erin while Eloise was still clinging to her like her life depended on it.

It had been a long time since she had had any interaction with children, but the instinct she had gained during her time in various foster homes was still there. She never expected Eloise to take to her the way she did but something about having the child nestled in her arms made her feel warm. Taking care of the younger kids and trying her best to make them feel safe and happy during tough times was one of the few good memories she had of her own childhood.

She was worried about Erin though, and so she gently pulled the child away from her so she could look her in the eye. “Eloise,” she began, pausing until she looked at her. Her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were red from crying but she looked at Holtzmann like she trusted her with her entire being even though they had only met about fifteen minutes ago. Holtzmann felt her heart flip flop because her eyes were the exact same color as Erin’s and her feelings for both her girlfriend and her cousins scared her a little with their intensity. They had gotten under her skin so fast and it had been a long time since she had allowed herself to get this attached to anyone besides the Ghostbusters.

“Eloise, do you know what your Auntie Erin and I do for a living?” she asked, and Eloise shook her head no. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and Holtzmann reached into her pocket for the handkerchief she always carried and wiped at her face. “Your Auntie Erin and I hunt ghosts. It’s our job. I don’t know if there’s a ghost up in that room, but if there is we’ll find it and we’ll catch it for you, okay?”

Eloise’s eyes went wide. “You hunt ghosts?” she asked, all fear forgotten in just a split second. Somehow Holtzmann doubted that Erin would recover as quickly.

“Sure do kiddo,” Holtzmann said proudly. “If you’re really good maybe we can show you some of our gear later. It’s pretty cool. Would that make you feel better?” Eloise grinned and hugged Holtzmann around the neck.

“I still don’t want to stay there,” she said seriously into Holtzmann’s ear.

“I know,” Holtzmann replied, giving Eloise another hug. “I’ll talk about that with your aunt, okay? But for now can you go find your cousins so I can check on her?”

At that moment they heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Hugo appeared around the corner. He took one look at Eloise’s face and his eyebrows furrowed. “Eloise, what’s wrong?” he asked, approaching the sofa and slipping quickly into protective older brother mode.

“Can you hang out with your brother for a few minutes?” Holtzmann asked, setting the little girl down and standing up. Eloise ran to Hugo, telling him all about how Erin and Holtzmann were superheroes and how they were gonna get rid of the ghost that lived in the upstairs bedroom.

Holtzmann good-naturedly rolled her eyes at the child’s antics and left the two behind, ruffling a hand through Eloise’s hair as she walked past. The house was surprisingly quiet as she made her way back through the kitchen, looking for Erin. She saw no sign of anyone, even Erin’s parents, and she was just starting to get worried when she stumbled across Claire and Juliet standing by one of the large windows. They started and turned when they heard her coming.

“Auntie Erin is outside,” Juliet said, reading Holtzmann’s mind. She had a soft voice and soulful, dark brown eyes.

“We think she’s crying,” Claire added, her forehead scrunched up and looking like she was about to start crying as well. Both children resembled Erin in face shape and expression and Holtzmann couldn’t help but smile at how worried they looked for their aunt.

“It’s okay,” she said, easing her way around the kids and reaching for the door that lead to the backyard. “Holtzy’s gonna make everything okay.” She could feel the two sets of concerned eyes following her as she quietly stepped out the door, closing it carefully behind her.

“Erin?” she asked, approaching her girlfriend cautiously. Erin was leaning against the side of the house, her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes squeezed shut as she took deep, shuddering breaths. Holtzmann could tell that she was trying to keep herself calm.

“Erin, I talked to Eloise. She’s fine now.” Her words got no response and she took a few tentative steps so she was standing directly in front of her. Erin seemed to sense her movement and opened her eyes; Holtzmann was startled to see that they were full of tears. She opened her arms but didn’t touch Erin, letting her initiate the contact.

Erin stepped into the embrace. It was the second time in one day that Holtzmann had found herself comforting her and she couldn’t help but wonder how many more time it would happen on the trip. “Are you fine?”

Erin shook her head against Holtzmann’s shoulder, reminiscent of how Eloise had been nuzzled into her just a few minutes before. She wondered vaguely if her shirt would ever be dry again. She pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head, whispering, “Are you scared?” She felt Erin nod and was hyper aware of the small sets of eyes watching them from the window. She didn’t really want the children to see their aunt like this but she couldn’t think of any way to prevent it in the moment. “Erin, talk to me?”

If Erin had been any more tense Holtzmann thought she would be vibrating. She ran her hands up and down her back and was relieved to feel her muscles relax ever so slightly. “Breathe with me then?” Holtzmann breathed deeply and felt Erin do the same. After several minutes of breathing and some unintelligible murmuring from Holtzmann Erin finally pulled away just enough so they could look at each other. She had been expecting Erin’s face to be red from crying but instead it was pale enough to make Holtzmann grip her arms a little tighter, worried that she might pass out.

“That room is where I was haunted as a child,” Erin said bluntly, clearly exhausted from the way the day had gone so far. Holtzmann nodded.

“I know Erin,” she said, trying to keep her voice as gentle as possible.

“I haven’t seen her ghost since then,” Erin continued, her eyes a little glazed over. Holtzmann wondered if she was seeing her at all at this point or if she was fully immersed in her own past. “I thought she was gone but what else could that be up there? My parents never believed me and they won’t believe Eloise either.” She blinked a few times and cast an anxious glance toward the neighbors’ house. There was a minivan parked in the driveway and the outside had been painted recently. It looked happy and fresh like any of the other houses on that block but Holtzmann knew immediately that it used to, and apparently still did, hold an endless source of anxiety and fear for Erin. She was curious if Erin felt this way every time she visited home or if the situation with Eloise had exacerbated it this year. “Eloise can’t stay up there Holtz. None of the kids can. I hate that they spent Christmas there.”

“Erin, if Eloise is right,” Holtzmann began cautiously, not wanting to scare Erin off by moving too fast with her suggestions. “And there is something up there, you know we can bust it, right?” She ran her hands up and down Erin’s arms, smiling softly when Erin finally met her eye. She nodded a little dazedly, clearly still trying to process everything. “Erin, this isn’t like when you were a child. You’re not helpless. We can fight it. And you’re not alone this time either. I’ll be here with you every step of the way, no matter what happens.”

Forgetting that they were being watched, now by four curious sets of eyes, Holtzmann leaned in a pressed a chaste kiss to Erin’s lips. After a moment she pulled away, remembering that they were still out in the open at her parents’ house. There was a light flush on Erin’s cheeks and the sight was a relief after how pale she had been just moments earlier. Erin leaned in again, kissing her deeper than before and Holtzmann threaded her hand into her hair. There was something desperate in Erin’s kiss and Holtzmann balled her hand into a fist. She tugged slightly, not enough to hurt her but knowing what it was like to need to _feel_.

When they broke apart the second time Holtzmann was relieved to see that Erin looked like she was returning to the present. She knew that the issue would surface again, probably sooner rather than later, but she was okay with letting it go for the moment if it meant she could have her Erin back for now. Holtzmann patted Erin’s hair down where she had grabbed it and reached out to take her hand. “Ready to go back inside?” she asked. “I’m sure your parents are worried that I’m being a bad influence on you out here.” She winked and was delighted when Erin smiled faintly in return, nodding.

When they pushed the door open and stepped inside they were met with four silently staring children.

“You kissed Auntie Erin,” Juliet spoke up, her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed. She was the picture of accusation as she really sized Holtzmann up for the first time since they had arrived. She was a mirror image of Erin when she was reprimanding Holtzmann for being reckless in the lab. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Erin biting her lip to suppress a smile. She released Holtzmann’s hand and slipped an arm around her waist instead, curling into her. Holtzmann leaned into her, relishing the contact despite being under the intense examination of the four children.

“I did,” Holtzmann responded, eyeing the children cautiously. She wasn’t sure how their parents would feel about their relationship and what kind of talk they were used to hearing at home, but she did know how awkward Erin’s mother had been from the moment they arrived. It was the first time her own tension had been at a higher level than Erin’s.

“Do you love Auntie Erin?” Eloise spoke up, her eyes bright as she looked from Holtzmann to Erin and back again.

Erin turned to look at Holtzmann, her eyebrow cocked expectantly as she waited for her answer. Holtzmann could feel a blush rising to her own cheeks under the scrutiny of all five Gilberts.

“Yeah, I think I do,” she replied with a smile, pressing an innocent kiss to Erin’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaat, look at me posting early. :D I'm a little nervous about this chapter and I know things seem to be moving slow, but I'm trying to pace myself. Hopefully it's not too slow going. :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I'm in for a long, crappy day at work tomorrow, so getting to read your comments will help me through it. Comments feed this poor little librarian's soul!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack! It's been way too long since I updated, but to make up for it this chapter is twice as long as usual! 
> 
> I don't think this chapter really needs warnings, but just in case there is a slight bit of implied homophobia and I guess a slightly creepy dream? Just to be safe. :)

Erin’s worries that dinner would be an awkward affair were put to rest by Holtzmann and the children. After her earlier admission in the hallway, all four children had finally taken to her and now they were inseparable, not leaving her side all afternoon. Erin had sat on the sofa and watched Holtzmann on the floor with the kids crowded around her as she explained some simple science to them. She had even promised that later she would help them do some experiments themselves. Erin had been concerned at the promise, knowing Holtzmann’s penchant for explosions and her unintentional disregard for her own safety, but a sideways glance and a wink from the engineer calmed her nerves a little.

When dinner was called the children insisted that Holtzmann sit by them, leading to her once again being surrounded by them and separated from Erin. She had given Erin a concerned glance, but Erin had smiled reassuringly in return to tell her that it was okay. Holtzmann plopped herself down in a chair amongst the kids, all four of them animatedly trying to tell her about the science classes they took at school, and Erin took the opportunity to turn to her mother and speak with her in a low voice so the children couldn’t hear.

“Mom,” she said, trying to catch the attention of the older women who was watching Holtzmann and the children interact with a curious intensity. It took her a moment to break out of whatever train of thought she was in and look over to Erin.

“What is it dear?” she asked, taking a sip of the red wine they had served with the meal and continuing to watch the increasingly excited conversation happening on the other side of the table.

“Eloise’s nightmares,” Erin began slowly, weighing each word carefully as she spoke so as not to clue her mother into what she was thinking. Even so, her stare was turned on Erin immediately. “You said they started around Christmas?”

“Yes,” her mother replied, sparing a glance at the child who was now paintingon Holtzmann’s cheek with mashed potatoes. Erin rolled her eyes and wanted to tell Holtzmann off for teaching Eloise bad habits but couldn’t bring herself to when her girlfriend gave her a large grin and wink. “They’re more like night terrors than nightmares really…” Mrs. Gilbert trailed off and Erin could tell she was thinking back to Erin’s childhood and her similar episodes. She could feel herself tense up and took a sip of her own wine.

“Did they start immediately?” she asked after a moment of silence. On the other side of the table Holtzmann was trying to explain another scientific theory to the children, using wide hand gestures that made Erin wince every time she swung a little too close to her own glass. She chose to watch the engineer’s antics instead of looking her mother in the eye. It had been a while since they had sat down and had a conversation that strayed this close to Erin’s childhood fears and she could feel the tension in the room building. Holtzmann seemed to sense this without even listening to the conversation because her foot nudged Erin’s leg underneath the table, making her jump slightly.

“No, they started about the second night they were here,” Mrs. Gilbert replied. Her focus was on Holtzmann and the children again and Erin was surprised to see a small smile on her face as she watched them, despite the seriousness of the conversation. “Her parents tried to comfort her as best as they could but she was inconsolable. She even worked herself into being sick once. It was a mess when we came in and the rest of the kids were not happy at all. She slept with her parents in the guest bedroom after that. We just couldn’t keep her in that room anymore.”

Erin was silent for a few minutes, letting her mother’s words turn over and over in her head. She knew what she wanted to do but actually doing it was another story. She sighed.

“Mom, I think Holtzmann and I should take my old bedroom tonight.” She could tell she had taken her mother off guard but held her ground, remaining silent as she waited for her to respond.

“Erin—honey, are you sure that’s a good idea?” her mother asked, chancing another glance across the table at Holtzmann. The engineer was still half listening to the children but was obviously tuned into their conversation now, too. She observed quietly, her gaze boring into Erin in a way that felt familiar. “I mean, there’s only one bed in that room…” Her implication hung heavy in the air and Erin found herself staring at her in mild shock. She thought that the hesitation was due to Erin’s history with the room, not concern over the two women sharing a bed. “I suppose we could drag in that cot from the basement, but it’s not particularly comfortable…”

“Honey,” Mr. Gilbert spoke up before Erin could say anything and contributing to the conversation for the first time since they sat down, also having been keenly tuned into Holtzmann’s scientific ramblings. “They _are_ dating.”

Erin’s mother looked tense and for the first time since they arrived Erin was sure she was going to say something nasty about their relationship. “I know, but—“

“Honey,” Erin’s father interrupted her and she fell silent, swirling what was left of her wine around in her glass. The atmosphere around the table grew almost unbearably awkward after that and Erin stared hard at the table, wishing she could get away. It wasn’t long after that that the children declared they were done eating and pushed away from the table, bouncing around Holtzmann with their never-wavering energy, and the small opportunity for Erin and her parents to be on the same page was gone.

*****

Erin faced the door to her old bedroom and stared, unable to make herself open it and go inside. The children had been put to bed in the guest bedroom with no protest; all of them had been happy to make the switch if it kept Eloise from waking up screaming. Now Erin was left on her own to face the room that still plagued her with nightmares even to this day. Holtzmann had excused herself to the bathroom for a shower after reading the bedtime story that children had insisted on. Erin had told her she’d be fine getting the two of them settled into the room for the night but now she wasn’t so sure.

She didn’t realize how long she’d been standing there staring until there was a calloused hand on her arm and she jerked away, startled.

“Shit, E, I’m sorry,” Holtzmann said, her face pink from the hot shower and her hair loose and damp around her shoulders. “Are you okay?” Her eyes flickered to the still closed door and her brow furrowed in concern.

“Yeah,” Erin croaked before clearing her throat and trying again. “Yeah, I’m—I’m okay.” She could tell from the way Holtzmann was looking at her that she didn’t buy it for a second but chose not to comment, grabbing the handle of the suitcase Erin had lugged up the stairs instead.

“Shall I?” Erin nodded shakily, taking a deep breath as Holtzmann pushed the door open.

The room had a distinctly unlived-in feel to it despite the children having stayed there just a week ago during the Christmas holiday. Erin felt a chill run down her spine as soon as she followed Holtzmann inside, shivering involuntarily. The engineer was by her side immediately. “Are you okay?”

Erin nodded stiffly, hoping that Holtzmann couldn’t tell she wasn’t actually okay. She didn’t want her girlfriend to know that as soon as she climbed the stairs and faced the door that she wanted to turn on her heel and run. She didn’t want her to know that she had stalled as long as she could by talking with her parents, only giving up when the conversation topics had simply run out and she had excused herself, saying she was tired from the drive. And she didn’t want her to know that she had spent the next fifteen minutes just standing there staring at the door.

“It’s a little cold in here,” Holtzmann said, rubbing her own arms as she crossed over to the radiator in the window. She turned it on and Erin jumped again when it rattled to life. Holtzmann didn’t notice, busy heaving Erin’s suitcase onto the bed. “It’s like you packed for a year,” she huffed, leaning against it. “You’re not secretly planning to run away, are you?” Her grin faltered when she realized that Erin hadn’t moved. “Erin, are you sure you’re alright?”

Erin knew she couldn’t hide her stress from Holtzmann; the woman had always been finely tuned into her different levels of distress, even long before they were dating. Instead of trying to disguise how uncomfortable—terrified even—she was feeling, she shook her head jerkily. Holtzmann was back at her side in an instant.

“E, look at me. Please?” Holtzmann placed a gentle hand on her cheek and turned her head so she was looking at her. Erin’s eyes were wide and she was just as tense as she had been earlier in the day. “If this makes you uncomfortable we can find somewhere else to sleep. Or you could go stay on the sofa or with the kids and I can stay up here on my own. It doesn’t bother me. I ain’t afraid of no ghost.” She winked and was delighted when Erin released a choked laugh.

“No,” she finally said, taking in a breath and noticing the deep shudder in her chest as though she had been crying. “No, that was a long time ago. Maybe Eloise really is just having night terrors.” She resolutely ignored the soft way Holtzmann was looking at her. She didn’t want her pity and she _really_ didn’t want her to say that Eloise might be right. In fact, she knew that she probably was right, and while the last thing she wanted to do was be like her mother and dismiss the child’s fears she also didn’t want to believe her when she was about to sleep in this room for the first time in years.

“Okay,” Holtzmann said, simply. That was it. _Okay._ She didn’t argue with her or insist that she face the reality of the situation. She just agreed and kissed her lightly on the nose before moving to the suitcase on the bed. Before Erin could process anything a pair of her own pajamas were being tossed at her and she caught them at the last second, her reflexes feeling sluggish. “Go get your cute butt into those. I wanna get it on in your childhood bedroom.”

“Holtzmann, I am not doing it with you in my twin bed.”

Holtzmann’s long, drawn out whine followed her out into the hallway and Erin smiled genuinely for the first time since that morning.

*****

_She’s eight years old again and just snuggling into her blankets for the night, hugging her teddy bear close to her chest and looking forward to the first day of school. It’s been an eventful day, and a scary one, too. Despite the fact that the image of the paramedics wheeling the body of her neighbor out of her house is still vivid in her mind, she thinks she’s tired enough to fall straight to sleep. She can just feel herself drifting off when there’s a noise somewhere in her room. She goes stiff and hugs her teddy bear closer, listening hard. Maybe its just her dog? But she knows that he wasn’t in her room when she got in bed. Her parents are just downstairs, so she knows she’s safe. If anything were really there all she would have to do is scream and her parents would be there in an instant. But there’s something moving around at the foot of her bed. It shuffles and scratches, and she breaks out in a cold sweat. Something touches her foot and even through the layers of blanket she can feel that it’s cold. She wants to scream, but she can’t. Her fear has paralyzed her. If she screams, it might know she’s there and then it will look at her. She can’t imagine anything worse in this moment than whatever is at the foot of her bed looking at her._

_Suddenly something shifts and there’s a movement above her. She can’t help it. She looks and it’s staring right back at her. It’s her neighbor, the mean old woman, but it’s not. While she herself was scary in life, in death she’s so much worse. Her eyes are sunken and her skin is waxy and there’s a distinct glow about her that almost illuminates the room but not quite. Not enough. And she’s staring right through her and she was right; it is the most horrible thing she can imagine. At least, until she opens her mouth and it’s like her entire jaw has come unhinged, and her eyes hate and hate and hate…_

_Erin screams._

*****

It took Erin a moment after waking to realize that she was actually screaming and another few after that to stop. Her face was wet with what she realized were tears and she registered that she was distinctly nauseous. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, both to quell the whimpers still coming from deep inside her as well as an attempt to calm her rolling stomach.

Hands rested on her shoulders and she flailed against them, the screams almost returning before she realized that she was mostly awake now and that the hands belonged not to the haunt but to her slightly bleary but very concerned girlfriend.

“Erin. _Erin,_ ” Holtzmann said, quietly but urgently as she ducked to the side to avoid one of Erin’s swinging fists. She didn’t want to grab her hands because she knew that this would only set her off more, especially since she could tell she wasn’t fully awake yet. “It’s me, it’s Holtz, I’m right here.” Although she hadn’t experienced this side of Erin before she somehow felt calm, breathing a deep sigh of relief as her girlfriend finally stilled. She tentatively wrapped her arms around her from behind, pulling her close against her and rocking them gently.

Erin turned in the embrace so she could press her cheek to the fabric of Holtzmann’s pajama top. The feeling of the shirt and the warmth of her girlfriend underneath grounded her as she finally woke fully. She released a shuddering sob at the realization of what happened. It was only a moment later that there was a loud knock on the door and Erin buried her face further into Holtzmann’s shirt, not wanting to face whoever was at the door in this state. She closed her eyes and barely heard Holtzmann tell whoever it was to come in.

Mrs. Gilbert pushed the door open cautiously, clearly uncomfortable entering her daughter’s bedroom when she knew someone else was in there with her. The sight of Erin wrapped in Holtzmann’s arms and the blanket bunched up around their hips made her clear her throat uncomfortably, her discomfort seeping into the room and into Holtzmann’s bones like a chill.

“Is everything alright?” she whispered, conscious of the children sleeping just down the hall. It was a miracle that Erin’s screams didn’t wake them, and one that Mrs. Gilbert and Holtzmann were grateful for.

“She’s fine now,” Holtzmann replied, squeezing her arms around Erin protectively. She locked eyes with Erin’s mother in the dark and they communicated silently, acknowledging that both Erin and Eloise were having similar night terrors. While Mrs. Gilbert may have been telling herself it was a coincidence, Holtzmann knew better. “Thank you for checking. I’ve got her.” _‘Like you never have,’_ she added silently, hoping that the dark would conceal her thoughts.

“Okay,” Mrs. Gilbert said, sounding relieved that Holtzmann had the situation under control. She backed out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her. “Let me know if you girls need anything.”

The door closed with a snap and Holtzmann released a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. She brushed Erin’s hair back to see her face better but she was still pressed so tightly into her shirt that she couldn’t make out her expression. She could feel Erin’s fingers wound securely in the fabric and her breath puffing quickly against her collarbone, making her shiver slightly.

“Erin,” she began, trying to coax her girlfriend out of hiding. “Come on.”

“Light,” Erin croaked, her voice hoarse from screaming. Holtzmann searched for a moment before finding the light switch on the lamp next to the bed and flicking it on. She blinked away the shadows, straining her eyes for anything still lurking in the room but other than the two of them it was empty.

“Erin, I’m so sorry,” she said, starting to rock them again. Erin didn’t seem inclined to emerge anytime soon and Holtzmann didn’t want to push her before she was ready. She felt guilty that she hadn’t insisted they sleep elsewhere, although she knew that when Erin got hardheaded about something there was no hope in getting her to back down.

“Don’t be,” Erin whispered, her breathing finally evening out and sleep washing over her again despite herself. These episodes had always worn her out as a child, leading to her falling back asleep almost immediately. The cycle sometimes repeated itself multiple times per night, with the ghost appearing and Erin waking up in terror, only to drift off again soon after.

Holtzmann leaned back in the bed, leaving the light on. She felt Erin sag against her and pulled the blankets up and over the two of them, never letting go of her girlfriend in the process. She knew from stories how little Erin’s parents did for her and her fears when she was a child, and she knew how much harm they had done trying to ‘fix’ her. It made her heart ache for woman lying exhausted in her arms and she kissed the top of her head before tightening her grip around her. Her quiet, even breaths told Holtzmann that she had already drifted back into a sound sleep.

“Okay, listen up,” Holtzmann whispered angrily into the still air of the room. “If you are still here, you leave my girlfriend and her family alone or I will bust your ass.” She nuzzled her face into Erin’s hair, the scent of her shampoo overcoming her senses as she drifted off herself. She was so exhausted that she didn’t even register the distinct ionization of the air as she fell back into a deep sleep.

*****

When they woke up the next morning Erin wouldn’t look at her. Holtzmann noticed this when she woke up herself and Erin was sitting with her back pressed against the headboard, her knees tucked up to her chin and her arms wrapped tightly around them. A faint blush colored her cheeks when she realized Holtzmann was awake, and it was the first time she could remember not enjoying the sight of a pink tinge on Erin’s face.

“Erin,” she said groggily, sitting up and reaching out a hand. Her heart sank when Erin jerked away and Holtzmann dropped her hand, feeling as though she had just been slapped. “Erin, please.” Her heart clenched painfully at the thought that Erin may actually be angry at her, although why she would be escaped her. Instead of touching her again she scrambled into a sitting position, scooting backwards until her back touched the headboard so she could mimic Erin’s tense pose. She sat there in aggressive silence until Erin released a slightly tearful sounding sigh, her whole body seeming to melt into the headboard as she allowed the tension to flow out of her muscles.

“Holtzmann, you don’t have to stay,” Erin said, still refusing to look her in the eye. If she thought she had felt slapped a moment ago, now Holtzmann felt as though she had been punched in the stomach, the wind knocked out of her.

“What?” she asked, giving up her passive aggressive waiting game and turning fully so she could look at Erin, sitting up on her knees and trying to peer into her face. “Erin, why would you say that?”

“I’m so screwed up,” Erin replied, turning her head away from Holtzmann so she was looking at the bedside table instead. Her hands twisted nervously on top of her knees, making Holtzmann want to reach out again to still their movement. “I thought things were getting better, but last night just proved that they’re not. You don’t deserve this.”

“Please look at me,” Holtzmann heard herself almost beg. “Erin.” She tentatively reached out a hand again, relieved when Erin didn’t pull away this time. With gentle fingers she turned her head until she was able to meet her eye. “This is not your fault.” Tears welled in Erin’s eyes and Holtzmann’s heart _ached_ for her. “There are a lot of people, and ghosts, at fault here, but you are not one of them. Please stop telling yourself that you are.” She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Erin’s mouth, hesitating a little when she felt Erin respond just the slightest bit.

“Holtzmann, I don’t know if this will ever get better,” Erin whispered back, her face still pressed close to the engineer’s. “What if we wake up like this every night?”

“Then we wake up like this every night. And we work on it. And you let me love you.” Holtzmann took herself off guard in saying it but she knew it was true and had been for quite a while, even before they started dating. “Please let me love you.” She pressed another kiss to Erin’s lips, a little harder this time and smiled against her mouth when she felt her respond lightly.

“I love you too,” Erin whispered between kisses and Holtzmann’s heart soared.

*****

After a few minutes of gentle kissing, which to Holtzmann’s dismay Erin would allow to go no further, she decided she needed a shower. She puttered around the room finding her clothes while Holtzmann sat on the bed and watched her intently. She enjoyed the sight of a gentle blush creeping up Erin’s neck as she stared until she finally grew tired of the game and got up herself, pinning her hair up with practiced ease. She crossed the room to find some clothes and before she knew what was happening she found herself on the floor.

“Oh my God, Holtz, are you okay?” Erin was by her side in an instant. After a few blinks to get her bearings back Holtzmann realized what had caused her to fall and shifted her foot slightly to cover it.

“I’m fine E,” she said, grinning at her girlfriend to prove she was okay. “Just a little bump to my rump. Kiss it better?”

Erin rolled her eyes and stood, bending just enough to kiss Holtzmann on the top of the head as she passed. “I’m going to take a shower. Don’t hurt yourself.”

Holtzmann saluted and watched as she left the room, waiting a few seconds to be sure she was really gone before moving her foot and sitting up on her knees to look at what she had slipped in.

There was a small puddle of ectoplasm on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Any mistakes are my own. I really should stop proofing these things late at night when I'm exhausted...
> 
> Anyway, comments and kudos make me ridiculously happy. Until next time! :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back in the swing of things with these once a week updates! *happy dance*

After Erin left for her shower Holtzmann hurriedly found some Kleenex and wiped up the ectoplasm so Erin wouldn’t see it when she came back. She wrinkled her nose at the viscosity of it, glad that she hadn’t fallen victim to it on a bust yet. She knew that eventually she would have to tell Erin what was still lurking in the room but for now she felt that it was not the time.

She slipped on some clothes and descended the stairs. She could hear the shower running and could smell pancakes cooking. Her stomach grumbled approvingly despite being a little anxious about talking to Erin later. She rounded the corner into the kitchen and found four smiling faces looking back at her.

“Jillian!” Eloise yelled as though she hadn’t seen her in years. Holtzmann smiled and intercepted the hug she tried to give just in time to keep her syrupy face off of her clean clothes.

“Hey,” she said, grasping the child’s shoulders and rotating her back to face the table. “Go clean your face and then I’m totally here for a hug.” Eloise clambered back up into her chair and quickly got distracted by her pancakes again. It took only seconds for her to abandon her fork entirely and start picking up her pre-cut pieces of food with her hands.

“Eat with us?” Juliet asked quietly. She blushed bright red when Holtzmann met her eye and she was strongly reminded of how Erin looked when she did something to fluster her. Juliet had seemed a bit distant when Holtzmann had first met her, and even on the Skype call back at Christmas, but it seemed as though something had changed since the children had seen her calm Erin down in the backyard the day before. All three of the older kids were warmer toward her now which pleased her immensely. Even if it took her a while to win over Erin’s parents, at least the kids were on her side.

“Yes, Jillian,” Mrs, Gilbert said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. _Speaking of…_ ”Please eat with us. There’s plenty to go around. Where’s Erin?”

“She wanted a shower,” Holtzmann said, smiling gratefully when Mrs. Gilbert set a plate of pancakes in front of her. “Thank you.”

The meal could have been awkward if it weren’t for the children bombarding Holtzmann with science questions again, but before long they decided they were done and asked to be excused from the table. Eloise jumped up immediately and grabbed Holtzmann’s hand in her own sticky ones.

“Come play please?” she asked, tugging hard enough that Holtzmann had to steady herself so she wouldn’t fall out of her chair. “We wanna play science experiment.”

“I’ll come play as soon as I finish my food, okay?” Holtzmann said, smiling at her and the other children. Eloise pouted for a moment before quickly getting over her heartbreak and running into the other room, closely followed by the other children. Holtzmann was glad that without her parents there Eloise felt free to explore her interest in science instead of just playing with dolls as seemed to be expected of her.

Mrs. Gilbert looked sympathetically at Holtzmann and handed her a damp cloth to wipe the syrup off with. She accepted gratefully and they continued in awkward silence until Mrs. Gilbert broke it.

“Jillian,” she began, clearing her throat and speaking to Holtzmann’s plate. “How is Erin doing?”

Holtzmann nearly choked on her pancake at the question and had to take a hasty sip of coffee to clear her windpipe. If Erin were downstairs she would have been reluctant to let Holtzmann have coffee, knowing that caffeine usually led to more poofs than usual, so she took her chance to drink it while she could. Once she was confident in her speaking abilities she said, “She’s doing better this morning.”

Erin’s mother nodded, still focusing on the table instead of looking Holtzmann in the eye. “I’m glad to hear it. I don’t think she appreciated my presence last night.” Holtzmann felt a pang of guilt but Mrs. Gilbert carried on without hesitation, seemingly unfazed by her own comment. “Actually, what I wanted to know was…how is she doing generally? At your—ah—job?”

Despite the hesitation in her voice Holtzmann couldn’t help but smile softly. She didn’t know Mrs. Gilbert well yet, but she figured that her showing an interest in their job was as good a sign as any. “It took her a while to agree to join our little team,” she said. “She was furious at Abby and me at first.” She cut herself off, not wanting to admit that it was their fault she was fired from Columbia in the first place, but Mrs. Gilbert seemed to read her mind.

“I know about the book,” she said, pushing her own food around with her fork. “And I know about Columbia.” Holtzmann fidgeted with her napkin, feeling like this was not a conversation she should be having without Erin present. “I wanted to ask you…what exactly is it you do?”

Holtzmann stilled her movements, taken off guard by the question. After everything Erin had said about her parents the last thing she expected was for her mother to ask her directly about their job. “You really want to know?” she asked before she could stop herself.

Mrs. Gilbert sighed. “Jillian, I’m sure Erin has painted quite the picture of me to you ladies.” Holtzmann bristled a little at the statement but Mrs. Gilbert carried on without noticing. “And I have to admit that it’s probably all true. Her father and I didn’t handle things well when Erin started having her nightmares. In fact, I know we handled it all terribly. I’d like to start mending that, which is why I want to know more about what you do.”

“Maybe you should talk to Erin about this,” Holtzmann said, both uncomfortable with the idea of crossing this line without Erin’s consent as well as upset that her mother still wasn’t acknowledging the weight of Erin’s, and now Eloise’s, nightmares.

“I want to know something about this so I can talk to Erin knowledgeably,” Mrs Gilbert said. “And it’s obvious that you care about her a lot. I saw that last night. So, please Jillian?”

Holtzmann hesitated, turning it over in her mind. The last thing she wanted to do was overstep and make Erin upset with her. But on the other hand if there was anything she could do to help Erin mend the strained relationship she had with her parents she felt that she should do it.

With a deep sigh she leaned back in her chair, cradling her mug of coffee in her hands. “Let’s start from the beginning.”

*****

By the time Holtzmann finished explaining some of their technology and what they did on a daily basis at the firehouse there were tears gathering in Mrs. Gilbert’s eyes. “We left her alone her entire childhood,” she said, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin. “What awful parents we were.”

Holtzmann was silent. She agreed with her statement but didn’t want to say it aloud, not after beginning to successfully bridge the huge gap between Erin and her mother. “Mrs. Gilbert,” she began instead. “I wouldn’t write off Eloise’s night terrors as simply that.” The older woman’s eyes went wide and she stopped dabbing at her eyes at once. Holtzmann knew she had her attention.

“Do you think that there’s actually something in that room?” she asked in a hushed voice, not wanting her words to carry into the living room where the children’s voices were wafting into the kitchen.

“If there is,” Holtzmann began slowly, weighing each word carefully before speaking, “Erin and I could have a look around. I swiped some of our equipment and brought it along just in case. Our teammates won’t be so happy when they realize…”

Mrs. Gilbert opened her mouth to respond but snapped it shut immediately after, her gaze focused on something over Holtzmann’s shoulder. Holtzmann whipped around, fully expecting to see a ghost lurking behind her. Instead Erin was standing in the doorway, her hair wet and her jaw clenched as she looked between the two women sitting at the table. There was a brief pause where Holtzmann’s mind worked overtime to try to figure out what to say and then Erin was gone.

“I—excuse me,” Holtzmann said, setting her coffee mug down with a thump and leaving the table hastily.

She walked around the corner, wondering if she would have to hunt Erin down like she did the day before. She didn’t wonder long because she found her leaning against the wall in the hallway, her hand over her mouth in a similar way to the night before when she had her nightmare. Her eyes were squeezed shut and Holtzmann felt a tug deep in her chest when she realized that this was the third time Erin had been upset and they had only been there for twenty-four hours. Maybe this trip wasn’t the best idea.

“Erin, please,” she said, resting her hands gently on her upper arms in the hopes that she would calm down. She was a little worried that she would make herself sick at this rate. “Don’t be angry with me? She just started asking questions and I wanted to do anything I could to help her understand…”

Erin removed her hand from her mouth and covered her eyes instead, her breathing shaky and irregular. “I’m not angry at you Holtz,” she said, swallowing heavily. “I’m just…confused. And afraid. She believed you?”

Holtzmann breathed out a sigh, feeling half relieved and half apprehensive. She moved in a little to press her body weight against Erin, hoping that the light pressure would help her relax and not feel trapped. Erin uncovered her eyes and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman instead. Holtzmann nuzzled into her neck and smiled against her skin when she felt Erin rest her chin on the top of her head.

“I’m so sorry if I crossed a line, E,” she murmured, pressing a light kiss to her neck, pleased when she felt goosebumps break out across the skin there. She understood how hard this was for her girlfriend but couldn’t help missing the high strung but happy version of the physicist that she was used to having around. She wished she could figure out a way to make her feel better about being home. “I think she’s beginning to see our side of things. Explaining some of our equipment and our busts seemed to help. But just say the word and I’ll leave the talking to the two of you, okay?”

“No Holtz,” Erin replied, squeezing the engineer a little tighter. “I appreciate it. It’s just…this has haunted me for so long, _literally,_ that…if there is something up there still…it wouldn’t be any normal bust. You know that, right?”

“I know, E,” Holtzmann replied, bravely tipping her head up to capture her lips in a gentle kiss. “We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do.” They stood together for a moment longer, comforted by the feeling of being in each other’s arms, until Erin’s mother rounded the corner unexpectedly.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, jumping and taking a step back. “I’m so sorry.” Erin tugged herself out of Holtzmann’s embrace and found that she missed the warmth immediately.

“Yes mom?” Erin asked, a flush settling in on her cheeks at being caught in such an intimate position. Holtzmann wanted to laugh at their matching deer in the headlights expressions but refrained.

“I was going to offer the pull-out bed to you two,” Mrs. Gilbert said, clearly still flustered. “If it would make you more comfortable at night. I know you want to stay together. I’m afraid it isn’t the best mattress, but if it would make you feel more at ease…”

There was a genuine smile on Erin’s face and it was the first time since arriving that Holtzmann had seen this look directed at her mother. For a moment she thought they may actually hug again, and hoped that they would, but Erin stood her ground and the moment passed. “Thank you mom. I-I really appreciate it.”

The silence turned a little awkward until a shout of “Jillian!” came from the living room and the tension broke.

“Your fan club is calling,” Erin said, nudging Holtzmann in the ribs. She just rolled her eyes good-naturedly in return.

*****

“You promised us fireworks!” Eloise’s little fists were on her hips and she was the picture of impatience as she stared up at Holtzmann.

“I did?” she asked, turning to give Erin a bewildered look. Erin shrugged, reaching for her hand. Their moment in the hallway had been broken but she found herself wanting to maintain some kind of physical contact with the engineer anyway. She had realized after last night that being close to Holtzmann in any way soothed her nerves, and she wished she could be back in her arms, but for now holding her hand would have to do.

“She did not,” Claire said to her cousin, disdain dripping from her words. Erin allowed a snort to escape her at the amount of scorn emanating from such a small person. “But will you?” Claire added, turning an expectant gaze on Holtzmann. Even the older children were wide-eyed with hope that they would get to see something spectacular in the way of fiery explosions.

“I may have something up my sleeve,” Holtzmann said, sending a wink Erin’s way.

“You said you make explosions,” Hugo said, crossing his arms. “You said that’s your job.”

“Oh, well, _Jillian,_ ” Erin said, squeezing her hand tightly in her own. “It is your _job_ after all.”

“Okay, fine,” Holtzmann said, pretending to be put upon by the request while inside she was delighted that the children wanted to spend the time with her, especially since the activity was one she loved. Even Juliet, who still acted slightly standoffish as she hung back behind the other children, was looking at her with eyes full of excitement and hope. “But we’re not doing this the boring old way. Come on, we’re making our own fireworks.”

“Holtz…” Erin said, worried about what that could possibly mean, but Holtzmann and the children were already making for the kitchen, tugging her along by the hand. Erin just hoped that her mother would stay out of the way, because though she trusted Holtzmann herself (for the most part), she knew her mother wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of the children being so close to explosives. But the feeling of Holtzmann’s hand in her own and the warm glance she threw over her shoulder reassured Erin. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the plot is moving a little slow-ish but hopefully I've added enough fluffy stuff to make up for it. ;) As always, there may be mistakes cause once again I'm proofing this tired. 
> 
> I hope you're still enjoying! Please let me know what you think in the comments. :D I'm not kidding when I say you make my day with each and every one. :3


	6. Chapter 6

“Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing all this stuff?” Erin asked, looking at the newly created fireworks that were stacked on the table in front of her. They had spent all afternoon creating different types of fireworks, and by now the sun was just beginning to set over the horizon, casting long shadows through the kitchen windows. Erin hadn’t realized that they had been working all afternoon. They had quickly fallen into the same comfortable routine that they often found themselves in back at the lab, with the addition of four miniature scientists. 

“Because you would have made me leave it behind,” Holtzmann said simply. She shrugged and handed Juliet a half completed firework, watching carefully as she began to attach a fuse. She had given each of the children their own job, saving the actual handling of explosives for herself. As much as she wanted to make Erin’s little cousins happy the last thing she wanted to do was accidentally hurt one of them. Juliet was focusing intently on inserting the fuse just right, while Hugo and Claire carefully put together the tubes that would house the explosives. Eloise was cutting lengths of fuse with safety scissors, her eyebrows furrowed in intense concentration and her tongue poking out from between her teeth.

“Not necessarily,” Erin said slowly, picking up a firework and turning it over in her hand. “Is this safe?”

“Perfectly,” Holtzmann replied, her focus entirely on the firework in front of her. She sensed Erin’s unease and looked up, meeting her eye and reaching out to squeeze one of her hands. “I promise. Cross my heart.”

“You have to pinky promise,” Juliet spoke up in her quiet voice, looking up from her firework to watch the two women’s interactions closely. “It’s not real if you don’t pinky promise. That’s what my friends at school say anyway.”

Holtzmann smiled and without breaking eye contact with Erin wrapped her pinky around hers. “I pinky promise,” she said softly. “The kids are safe.” Then without missing a beat she turned to Juliet and pinky promised her as well, grinning when she child turned bright red just like her aunt. “I love your family Erin.”

Erin’s hands faltered on the firework and her heart fluttered in her chest. If Holtzmann noticed the expression on her face she didn’t say anything, focusing instead on helping Hugo prepare the casing for another firework. Erin watched how gentle she was with the kids and how much she seemed to care about keeping them safe, checking each firework herself after they were done to be sure they were put together properly and wouldn’t go off in unexpected ways. The way she expressed her love for Erin’s family both spoken and in how well she cared for them made Erin feel warm inside. She never thought she would have the chance to bring someone home who genuinely cared the way Holtzmann did.

“Thank you,” Erin said, smiling when Holtzmann looked up with a slightly confused grin on her face. Erin reached out and covered Holtzmann’s hand with her own again, wishing she could convey everything she was feeling but not sure how. They held eye contact for a moment before Eloise broke the tension.

“Are we _ever_ gonna shoot these?” she asked impatiently. She was holding a firework in her hand and Erin thought she was going to have a heart attack when she started shaking it. Holtzmann only laughed.

“It’s an empty one,” she whispered conspiratorially to Erin with a wink before turning to Eloise. “We are. But look, the sun isn’t even down yet.” She pointed out the window and Eloise followed her gaze, mouth slightly open as she took in the sunset. “They won’t be fun until it’s dark and we can really see them.” Eloise pouted a little and Holtzmann gave Erin a _‘whoops’_ look and shrugged, checking the fuse Juliet attached to make sure it would work properly.

“Excellent,” she said, making the girl blush again. “That should be plenty for tonight. We can make some more tomorrow if we want to. Let’s put these back in my bag so we can carry them outside.” The children all scrambled to grab as many fireworks as they could hold, stuffing them into the large silver bag Holtzmann was holding open. They bickered a little as they gathered them up.

“My mom is gonna flip when she sees these,” Erin said, more to herself than to anyone else. Holtzmann heard her though and looked around, concerned.

“Wait, really?” she asked, her expression worried. “I think your mom just started to like me. I don’t want to freak her out.”

“I mean, not really,” Erin said with a little shrug. “My dad used to do fireworks with us every year. She was never a fan but she didn’t stop us. I think you’ll be fine.”

Holtzmann eyed her like she didn’t believe her entirely but zipped up her bag and slung it over her shoulder anyway. “Ready?” she asked the kids after a glance out the window. “I think by the time we’re finished setting up it’ll be dark enough to see these babies.” She paused to snake and arm around Erin’s waist and plant a firm but innocent kiss on her mouth. “You coming?”

“I’ll join you in a minute,” she replied, smiling. She kissed Holtzmann again.

“Yuck!” Eloise said, tugging on the hem of Holtzmann’s shirt. “You’re gross. Let’s go.”

Erin laughed at Eloise, noting that Claire and Hugo didn’t seem to even notice the display of affection. Juliet was blushing again, staring wide-eyed at Holtzmann, and Erin couldn’t help but wonder if the girl was developing a little crush of her own. “Go on,” she said, giving Holtzmann a smack on her backside to get her walking. She winked at her surprised expression before turning and leaving the kitchen.

*****

It didn’t take Erin long to find her parents. They were sitting in the living room, happy to stay out of the way of whatever mischief was happening in the kitchen. Erin cleared her throat and sat down gingerly on the edge of the sofa, not sure how to begin talking to her parents. Thankfully her father broke the silence after a moment.

“She creates her own fireworks?” he asked, reaching for the remote and turning the television down so they could talk. He didn’t sound judgmental. In fact, he sounded intrigued and Erin couldn’t help but smile proudly.

“She’s our munitions expert,” she replied simply, knowing that the title spoke for itself. “I’m sure she’d be happy to show you later. Knowing her she hasn’t exhausted her store of supplies.”

“I’d be curious,” he said off-handedly. Erin could see right through him. She knew that if he weren’t worried about being a nuisance that he would have been right there in the kitchen with the children, hanging on Holtzmann’s every word.

“You know you can ask her anything,” Erin said, eyeing her mother carefully. Mrs. Gilbert’s nose was still in her book, determinedly ignoring Erin’s leading comments. “She used to teach as well, so she doesn’t mind answering questions at all.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” her father responded, turning to her mother. “Did you hear that honey? Holtzmann used to teach, too.” Erin knew he was trying to draw her out and encourage the two women to talk. Outside there was a faint sound of an explosion and Mr. Gilbert stood up to peer out the window.

“She’s very good with the children,” Mrs. Gilbert said, finally putting her book down. “They love her.”

“So do I,” Erin replied, quietly answering her mother’s unspoken question. She could tell that her mother wanted to press further about the intent of their relationship but Erin didn’t want to continue the conversation any more than she wanted to move on to the next topic that was eating at her. “I heard you two talking about work earlier.”

“Yes,” replied Mrs. Gilbert. Erin’s father was still standing at the window, watching the silhouetted forms of Holtzmann and the children at the end of their driveway. “We were talking about your room Erin.”

“It’s not my room anymore.” She had begun picking at the cushion she was sitting on.

“You know what I mean Erin.”

“I do,” Erin replied, feeling frustration rise within her. “And I want to know why you suddenly care.” She looked her mother in the eye and saw both defiance and a little guilt there. “Why do you suddenly believe me? Why are Eloise’s night terrors more serious to you than mine ever were?”

“Erin, Jillian explained some of what you do to me.”

“Good for Jillian,” Erin spat, not meaning what she said but feeling rather explosive herself. She hoped that Holtzmann and the kids wouldn’t walk in on this little discussion. “I’m glad to hear that you can believe anyone but me.” Her father shifted a little at the window, silent as he listened to the conversation happening behind him. Erin could sense that he was uncomfortable with the discussion and felt pleased. They both needed to be uncomfortable, just as she had been for years.

“Erin, there was no proof of it when you were a child. It just looked like bad dreams and—“

“And attention seeking behavior,” Erin filled in for her, the words tasting foul in her mouth. “Yes, I remember that clearly. I remember that my word wasn’t enough for you. You thought I was a liar. You both did.” She could see her father’s shoulders slump.

“We didn’t think you were a liar, dear, we thought you needed help.” Mrs. Gilbert looked like she was on the verge of tears now and Erin almost felt bad for laying into them like this but found she didn’t care enough.

“Your help ruined years of my life,” Erin stood and stalked out of the house, slamming the door behind her. She knew that such behavior was childish and dramatic but couldn’t help herself. She was grateful to Holtzmann for wanting to love and help her family and she was glad that Eloise wasn’t going through the same trauma that she had experienced as a child, but she was still furious at her parents. She found that she was angry at herself as well for letting the conversation turn into a fight.

“Why did you slam the door?” Claire’s voice made Erin jump. She hadn’t been expecting the children to be clustered on the porch instead of out by the street with Holtzmann. “Why are you angry?”

Erin took a deep breath and forced her expression into something calmer as she turned to the children, swallowing her anger like bad medicine. They looked apprehensive, huddled together in their heavy winter coats. She had forgotten to put her own coat on and now she shivered as the cold started to seep through her long sleeved thermal.

“Everything’s alright,” she told Claire, squinting out at the street in search of Holtzmann. “Where’s Holtz?”

“She’s out there,” Juliet said, pointing into the dark yard. “She told us to come up here for a minute.”

Erin felt her heart stop for a moment as panic settled into her chest. Why would Holtzmann want the children on the porch instead of shooting off the fireworks they had helped create? A million scenarios flashed through her head in the span of just a few seconds, a firework malfunction and a malevolent ghost among the worst.

“Hang tight for me, okay?” she told the children, carefully stepping down from the porch and heading out into the cold winter night. She didn’t remember the yard ever being this dark and wondered if maybe Holtzmann figured out how to kill some of the street lights so the fireworks could be seen better. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered.

“Holtz?” she called out into the darkness, silently praying that her girlfriend would answer and that she wouldn’t be taken off guard by a ghost. Nowadays ghost hunting didn’t scare her like it used to, but being home amongst old memories had her on edge.

“Erin?” came Holtzmann’s voice from the end of the driveway, and then two things happened very fast.

First, a Holtzmann shaped blur came out of nowhere, knocking the wind out of her as it collided with her and toppling them both into the snow next to the driveway. Second, a huge explosion went off, shaking the air around them.

Gasping out a breath against the Holtzmann’s weight on top of her, Erin could hear the cheers from the children on the porch and see the blue and green light the explosion left burned into her eyes slowly fading. As she gradually regained her sight she could see Holtzmann smirking down at her. “Come here often?”

“What the hell was that?” she asked, sitting up and shivering as snow fell down her shirt. Holtzmann slumped against her.

“Something of my own creation,” she hissed through clenched teeth. It only took Erin a moment to register the pain in her voice and she blinked rapidly to clear the light from her eyes. “I wasn’t expecting you to come walking out. I had taken cover behind one of those parked cars.”

“You mean _our_ _car,_ ” Erin said incredulously. “The car Patty told us not to destroy. Holtz, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” Holtzmann said, answering honestly. She was looking at her leg where some of the sparks had landed and burned through her pants, leaving angry, red welts on her thigh. “Geez.”

“Holtz!” Erin exclaimed, finally clearing her vision enough to see the burn. “We need to take care of that!” she said, reaching for her leg and drawing her hand back at the last second.

“Please don’t touch it,” Holtzmann said, her voice slightly breathless as she averted her eyes from the angry red skin. Erin hadn’t pegged her as the type to be squeamish around wounds but she was biting her lip in a way that told Erin she was not coping too well.

“Come on,” Erin said, standing up and reaching out a hand to the engineer. Holtzmann struggled to her feet, trying to keep most of her weight on her good leg and leaning heavily on Erin. They stumbled up the driveway and somehow made it up the porch steps.

“That was so cool!”

“Do it again!”

“What happened? Is she hurt?”

The children quickly clustered around the couple, stopping them from continuing into the house. Now that they were under the light of the porch Erin could see that Holtzmann had a distinct green tinge to her face.

“She’s fine,” Erin replied. “Step back now, okay? I need to get her in the house.” The children followed them closely as they entered the house and Erin sat Holtzmann down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs.

“I don’t feel so good,” Holtzmann said, still determinedly looking the opposite way of the injury.

“I thought you would handle burns better,” Erin joked, looking for the first aid kit. The children were clustered around Holtzmann again, staring at the wound with wide eyes.

“It burned all the way through your pants!” Hugo said. “That’s so cool.” He reached out a hand and Erin sprung into action.

“I have a mission for you kids, okay?” she said, pausing to be sure she had all their attention. “It’s a very important mission. I need you to go find your great aunt and ask her where she’s hidden the first aid kit so we can fix Holtz’s leg. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes!” yelled Eloise, before leading the charge to find Mrs. Gilbert. Erin wet a washcloth with cold water and approached Holtzmann cautiously. The green tint was slowly fading from her face but Erin didn’t want to push her.

“I hate burns,” Holtzmann said, her eyes squeezed shut. "I should handle them better but…I don’t.”

“This will probably hurt,” Erin said, regret in her voice. She crouched by the chair and gently pulled the singed fabric away from the wound, feeling bad when Holtzmann sucked in a breath and clutched the edge of her chair. Erin pressed the cold cloth to the burn. “I’m so sorry baby.”

“You called me baby,” Holtzmann remarked, still gritting her teeth against the pain in her leg. Erin was spared answering by her mother walking into the room.

“What happened?” she asked, and she met Erin’s eye with an acknowledgement that things were not okay between them but they could lay their differences aside for Holtzmann’s sake.

“Rogue firework,” Erin responded shortly, dropping her gaze back to her girlfriend’s leg.

“The kids were on the porch,” Holtzmann said quickly, her eyes wide. “I would never put them in danger. Just myself.” She tried to smile nonchalantly but cut herself off with a groan when Erin shifted the towel. “Happens all the time.”

“It does not,” Erin said, realizing suddenly that in all their time working together that she hadn’t seen Holtzmann really injure herself until now. She reached up to take her hand.

“The first aid kit is in here,” Mrs. Gilbert said, pulling it down from a cabinet near the refrigerator. Erin could see the children hanging back in the doorway, watching with fascinated expressions. “I think there’s some triple antibiotic ointment in there. Make sure you disinfect it because burns can turn nasty fast.”

“I think we have things under control. Thank you.”

After her mother left the room, shooing the children out as she went, Erin could feel Holtzmann looking at her quizzically and ducked her head, pressing a kiss to her knee instead of meeting her gaze. “As much as I enjoy that,” Holtzmann began, running a hand through Erin’s hair, “Did something happen while I was outside?”

“Nothing,” Erin evaded, keeping her eyes firmly focused on the burn. She spread some ointment on it and stood, trying to get away from the uncomfortable conversation as quickly as possible, but Holtzmann caught her hand. With a shaky sigh Erin met her gaze, melting when she saw the concern written there. “We had a—discussion—while you were outside with the children,” she said, setting the first aid kit down. “It wasn’t pretty and I did nothing to help us mend our issues. I’m sorry, I’m trying. Really.”

Holtzmann used Erin’s arm as leverage to pull herself out of the chair, avoiding putting too much weight on her hurt leg. She wrapped her arms around Erin and pulled her close, inhaling the slight scent of smoke that her girlfriend now wore too. “Don’t apologize Erin. I know you’re trying and honestly even if you didn’t want to try at all I would still be proud of you for being here. Let’s sleep downstairs tonight, okay?”

Erin nodded against her shoulder. “Your fireworks were really impressive. I hate that I missed most of them.”

“There’s still plenty where those came from,” Holtzmann said, pulling away from the embrace and grinning. “I’m sure the kids would love to shoot some more. And then later I could create some special just for you.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Erin smacked her arm lightly.

“Not in my parents’ house.”

“Fiiiiiine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, updating two fics in 24 hours! I think this is a record. ;) I hope you're still having fun on this little ride! Please let me know what you think! :D 
> 
> (As usual, any mistakes are my own, because once again I'm editing this late at night when I should be sleeping. Whoops!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still here! I know updates have been slow and some of you have probably forgotten about this fic. I can't blame you cause life has gotten the best of me recently but I am determined to get this one done! *wanders away singing Don't You (Forget About Me)*

It wasn’t long after doctoring Holtzmann’s wound that the children were tugging on her hands and begging to finish shooting the fireworks they had created together. It was coming on eleven o’clock and they were determined to stay up until midnight to ring in the New Year. Erin watched with concern as Holtzmann pushed herself up out of the chair and tentatively tested her weight on her leg, throwing a wink in Erin’s direction as she allowed herself to be pulled out the door.

This time Erin followed them outside, figuring that both she and her parents could use some space after the discussion they had had. She knew that eventually she would have to mend things between them, but she also felt justified in what she had said. She couldn’t bring herself to back down just yet.

She hung back a little, watching Holtzmann help Hugo light a small firework before they both took off running back to where Erin was standing at the end of the driveway. Holtzmann leaned against her as they watched the colorful explosion go off and even though she didn’t say anything Erin could tell that her leg was still hurting her. She slipped an arm around her waist and felt her lean into her more heavily.

“If you’re hurting we can go back inside,” Erin whispered to her.

“And not ring in the New Year?” she said, looking affronted. “Erin, what kind of person do you think I am?” Erin rolled her eyes and jabbed her in the side, earning herself a undignified squawk.

“What’s next?” Claire asked sweetly, tugging gently on Holtzmann’s shirt tails. “Can we do another?” Her light brown eyes shone in the dim streetlights. Erin smiled at her, pleased by how much her cousins looked up to Holtzmann already.

“Here, give these a try,” Holtzmann said, pulling out of Erin’s embrace and choosing a few long, thin tubes from the bag of fireworks at their feet. She handed one to each of the children and carefully instructed them on how to hold them away from their bodies. She lit each one in turn and Erin bit her lip in worry as she watched brightly colored balls of light shoot from the tips.

“Roman candles,” Holtzmann whispered in her ear. She rested against Erin again. “My version, anyway.”

“We used to shoot those at each other,” Erin replied, keeping her voice low so the children wouldn’t hear her and get ideas. “We pretended we were wizards.” Holtzmann’s mouth dropped open a little as she turned to look at her.

“Oh wow, you really are a nerd,” she said. She softened her comment by leaning in for a kiss. Noting that the children were still distracted by their fireworks Erin allowed the kiss to deepen, slipping her tongue into Holtzmann’s mouth before pulling away. Holtzmann looked surprised but delighted, and was about to kiss her again when a sudden burst of crying distracted both of them.

“It stopped!” Eloise sobbed, shaking her roman candle before dropping it on the ground and covering her face with her hands. Erin crouched down next to her.

“They don’t last forever Eloise,” she said, trying to pull the little girl’s hands away from her face. “There are more fireworks. Different ones!”

“But I don’t want it to be over!” she cried, flinging herself into Erin’s arms. Erin looked wearily over her shoulder at Holtzmann, who looked startled by the outburst.

 _‘She’s tired,’_ she mouthed to her. She checked her watch and saw that it was about ten minutes until midnight. “Eloise, we have ten minutes until it’s the new year. I know you liked the roman candle, but we have to shoot a big firework at midnight to celebrate. Okay?”

“Can I choose?” Juliet piped up, looking up at Holtzmann for permission. She nodded and Juliet picked through the pile, searching for one of the bigger ones. She straightened up, holding a sphere with a long fuse attached.

“Okay, that one’s pretty big, so I’m gonna light it while you all stay back here, okay?” Holtzmann instructed, taking the firework from Juliet. “We only have a few minutes to go.”

Eloise had calmed down so Erin stood up and reached for Holtzmann’s hand. “Let me light it,” she said, taking the firework from her. “You shouldn’t run on that leg and I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Holtzmann hesitated and Erin raised an eyebrow. With a short huff Holtzmann gave in and handed Erin the firework and the lighter. “Fine,” she said, pouting slightly that she wasn’t the one getting to light it.

Erin grinned. “Maybe Eloise isn’t the only one who’s tired,” she said, bumping Holtzmann with her hip. Holtzmann stuck her tongue out at her and Erin checked her watch again. Two minutes. “Stay back, okay?” she said to the children, who automatically clustered around Holtzmann. Juliet quietly slipped her hand into Holtzmann’s and she looked down at her in mild surprise.

Erin checked carefully that there were no cars coming and walked out into the middle of the road, preparing the firework. Back on the driveway she could hear Holtzmann lead the kids in a countdown, and when they got to the end Erin lit the fuse and took off running. She skidded to a stop in front of Holtzmann, her pulse thumping, and turned around to watch. Holtzmann wrapped an arm around Erin’s waist and rested her chin on her shoulder.

Erin could feel the children bouncing in excitement around her as the fuse burned down and the firework shot into the air. They cheered at the multicolored burst and the resounding “boom” that followed.

“Happy New Year!” they shouted, jumping up and down. They hugged Holtzmann and Erin around the legs and Erin tilted her head back so she could kiss Holtzmann.

“Happy New Year,” she whispered. “I love you.”

“Yes!” Holtzmann exclaimed, fist pumping the air. “She loves me!”

“Can we do more fireworks?” Juliet asked, ignoring the moment the two women were sharing. “Please?”

“Definitely,” Holtzmann responded, already digging in her bag again. Erin was about to protest, wanting to tell Holtzmann that the kids really needed to go to bed, but then Holtzmann looked up at her and murmured, “I love you too,” and she had to give in.

*****

“Erin. Erin Erin Erin.”

It hadn’t been long after the new year rolled in that the children had begun yawning and Erin and Holtzmann had coaxed them upstairs into bed. Holtzmann had read them another bedtime story, and on the way back downstairs she had noticed that Erin gave her old bedroom a wide berth as they passed it. She took her hand and didn’t mention it.

Now they were in the living room getting the pull out sofa bed ready to sleep on. Erin’s parents had given them some extra blankets to use but she still wrinkled her nose at the old sheets that were on the bed. Holtzmann on the other hand didn’t seem fazed at all, flopping down onto the mattress. She had changed into a pair of boxers and Erin had wrapped gauze around her thigh so the burn wouldn’t be aggravated against the sheets overnight. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt and Erin could tell that she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath. The knowledge made her squirm but she was determined to finish throwing blankets onto the bed before crawling into it as well.

_“Erin.”_

_“What_ Holtz?”

“Come here.”

Erin sighed and tossed one last blanket onto the bed before crawling up and into her girlfriend’s waiting arms, careful not to brush against her wound. She pressed her face into her neck and smiled at the smell of smoke that still clung to her skin.

“Guess what,” Holtzmann said, tugging at Erin’s shirt until she emerged from her embrace so she could look at her. “Happy New Year. Where’s my kiss?”

“You already got your New Year’s kiss,” Erin teased, rolling away from her. Holtzmann followed, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer so Erin’s back was flush against her front. She brushed her hair to the side and started pressing open-mouthed kisses to the back of her neck. Erin felt her body react immediately, warmth spreading up her chest and across her face. They hadn’t been very intimate yet, and even less so on this trip. The constant presence of Erin’s cousins ensured that they hardly had a moment alone, and when the children weren’t around Erin’s parents were hovering just as badly.

Up until now Erin hadn’t even been thinking about anything more than some light kisses. Being faced with her childhood ghost and all the fears that had come back, not to mention being around her family so much, had staunched any desires she might have had. But now the feeling of Holtzmann’s arms wrapped around her and the way her uninjured thigh slipped between her legs as she bit down lightly on her neck made her shiver.

She pressed her hips back against Holtzmann’s and felt her release a surprised puff of air against her neck. She ground down lightly on the thigh that was still between her legs and only came to her senses when she felt Holtzmann’s hand trail up her stomach and graze the underside of her breast.

“Holtz, we can’t,” Erin whispered, rolling over and pressing her face into Holtzmann’s shoulder. “As much as I would…like to right now…” she squirmed a little and knew that Holtzmann must be able to feel the heat she was radiating now. She could see her (only slightly smug) smile in the dim light coming from the windows. “I just can’t. Not in my parents’ house and especially not down here where anyone could walk in.”

Holtzmann rubbed her back and kissed her hair. “I know E,” she whispered. “I wasn’t asking for it. I just want to make you feel good.” Erin knew that her hand on her back was meant to be a soothing gesture but her skin tingled where she touched and a warmth settled in her stomach.

“You do,” Erin whispered back, nuzzling her neck.

“Can I kiss you?” Holtzmann asked, leaning closer again. “Just a little?”

Erin paused and pretended to think, smirking slightly. “Yeah, I guess you can. Just a little.”

She dipped her head so she could meet Holtzmann halfway, kissing her deeply and wasting no time in slipping her tongue into her mouth as she had outside.

They didn’t sleep for a while.

*****

“Happy New Year!”

Erin was jolted awake by a screech. She sat up, disoriented, and tried to figure out where the noise was coming from. After blinking a few times to adjust to the bright morning light coming in through the windows she was able to focus on Eloise, who was standing at the edge of the bed.

“Oh, Happy New Year to you too Eloise,” Erin yawned. She scooted away from Holtzmann’s body heat, conscious of the little girl regarding them closely. Eloise clambered up onto the bed and sat on Holtzmann, who was nothing but a pile of blankets, and started to bounce.

“Wake up Auntie Jillian!” she shouted, and Erin was sure she heard an _‘oof’_ from under the pile of blankets. Laughing, she wrapped an arm around the child’s middle and pulled her off Holtzmann, tickling her sides until she was screeching again.

“How about we let Auntie Jillian sleep for just a few more minutes, okay?” she asked the giggling child, who nodded. “Go see if breakfast is ready?” She set Eloise down on her feet beside the bed and flopped back down heavily with a small groan as the child ran into the kitchen. “I didn’t think about having our own little alarm clocks when I agreed to sleep down here,” she said, throwing an arm over her eyes dramatically. Holtzmann still hadn’t moved so Erin rolled over and started shifting blankets to try to find her girlfriend. After a moment she uncovered her face and found wide eyes staring out at her.

“She called me Auntie,” Holtzmann whispered, and Erin didn’t think she was imagining the wistful look in her eye. Erin grinned and patted the blanket pile.

“Take your time,” she said, rolling over and standing up. Her back popped painfully and she remembered why she didn’t like sleeping on fold out beds. She walked to the window and peered out at the gathering snow. “Oh, wow, the snow is coming down hard.”

There was a rustling sound behind her and Holtzmann popped up out of the pile of blankets to see for herself, her bed head reaching levels Erin didn’t even know existed. Erin thought she looked adorable and crossed back to the bed to kiss her soundly. “Mm, morning breath,” Holtzmann said, and Erin smacked her arm lightly. She leaned in and kissed her again but pulled away quickly, conscious of the breakfast sounds coming from the kitchen.

*****

Erin had planned to spend New Year’s Day with her family and then leave early the next morning to get back to New York before Patty and Abby missed them too much, but by the time mid-afternoon rolled around she was beginning to wonder if that would happen.

“E, look how hard it’s snowing!” Holtzmann was glued to the big window in the living room. The kids were clustered around her, all of them peering out at the gathering snow.

“Can we go outside and play in it Auntie Erin?” Eloise asked, turning from the window to run over to where Erin was sitting on the sofa drinking a mug of tea. Ever since hearing Holtzmann and her mother talking in the kitchen the day before she had been thinking about her old bedroom and whether or not they should try to bust it. It was making her tense and she had hoped that the tea would help soothe her nerves. “We don’t get snow at home.”

Holtzmann turned around from the window curiously. “Where’s home?” she asked.

“Florida,” Hugo said, not looking away from the snow.

“We have to go outside then!” Holtzmann said, looking pleadingly at Erin. “We should take them out E.”

“Okay,” Erin said, getting up from the sofa and setting her mug down. “Let’s go outside.” The children and Holtzmann cheered, heading for the hallway to gather their coats. Erin grabbed Holtzmann’s arm as she passed by her, tugging her back gently as the kids ran ahead.

“Thank you Holtz,” she murmured, kissing her softly.

“For what?” Holtzmann asked, looking a little taken aback by the sudden show of affection.

“For taking care of my family,” she responded, squeezing her arm gently. “I really appreciate that Holtz. You’re the first person who has cared about my family this way and you have no idea how much it means to me.” She pulled her in and hugged her, relishing in the feeling of their bodies fitting together perfectly.

“Of course E,” Holtzmann said in return, squeezing her tighter. “I love you and your family, and I would do anything to take care of you.” Erin knew that she was speaking the truth. Over Holtzmann’s shoulder she could see out the window where the snow was falling heavier.

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to leave for home tomorrow morning.”

“Why not?” Holtzmann asked, pulling away slightly so she could follow her gaze to the window.

“Look how hard it’s coming down.”

Holtzmann scoffed. “Aw, come on E, I can drive in that. No problem.” Erin gave her a look but Holtzmann shrugged it off.

“Are you ready?” came Eloise’s excited voice from the hallway. All four children were bundled up in their thick winter coats and hats. “Let’s go!”

Erin was about to follow them outside when a hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks. She jumped and whipped around.

“Erin, I want to talk to you.” Her mother was standing behind her, an uneasy look on her face. Erin could tell that she wasn’t comfortable having this conversation, and Erin didn’t want to have it either but she stopped anyway. “Please come sit down with me.”

Erin glanced over her shoulder where Holtzmann had paused at the front door, pulling her coat on and looking at her quizzically.

“Go ahead,” Erin said, nodding to the door. “I’ll be right behind you.” Holtzmann hesitated just for a moment before nodding and following the children outside. When the door clicked shut behind her she turned back to her mother. “I don’t want to have this conversation with you right now,” she said, still smarting from the day before.

“Well I do,” her mother said sharply, taking Erin by surprise. “Come sit down.”

Erin followed her dutifully into the living room and sat in one of the chairs facing her.

“Erin, this is hard for both of us,” Mrs. Gilbert began, closing her eyes and gathering herself before continuing. “Your father and I let you down for years and that's something I know we can't make up to you. But Erin—I think I'm beginning to see your side of things.” Her voice broke a little and she paused, taking a deep breath. “Everything within me says that ghosts aren’t— _can’t_ —be real. But between what you and Eloise are both saying, and what Jillian explained to me in the kitchen yesterday…maybe there is something to this ghost stuff after all.”

Erin was silent, her mouth slightly open as she took in her mother. Her rigid, no nonsense, ghosts can't ever be real, mother. There was a mix of emotions that she couldn't sort out running through her and suddenly she wished that Holtzmann was there by her side instead of outside. She could hear muffled shrieks and giggles through the window.

“I don't know if you understand how difficult this is for me,” Erin said, fighting to keep her voice steady as she carefully weighed her words. “I grew up being told I was a liar. You thought it was night terrors, but all I knew was that my parents didn't believe me. And I had no one to turn to.” She could feel her anger rising steadily again and fought to keep it at bay. “Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up to your dead neighbor hovering at the end of your bed every night for a _year,_ and to know that you can't go to your parents because they'll just send you to more therapy sessions? To be a child and unable to trust your own parents is one of the most helpless feelings in the world, and then add terrified to the mix.” Her heart was beating rapidly and she could feel tears welling in her eyes.

“When the kids at school found out about my therapy sessions they started calling me Ghost Girl,” Erin continued, unable to stop everything from flooding out now that she had begun. “I don't think you ever knew that. They used to throw food at Abby and me. And then—and then I lost Abby because I was too scared to embrace what we were doing. Mom, I was so lonely for so long. I don't think you can even begin to understand.”

Mrs. Gilbert was crying in earnest now and Erin knew that she had felt the weight of her words. “I know Erin. And I'm going to carry that regret to my own grave. And I don't want the same thing to happen to Eloise. We were wrong Erin. Help us save Eloise from going through the same? Please?”

Erin sighed, wiping a few stray tears of her own away. “Yes, of course,” she said. “I don't want Eloise to go through that either, and neither does Holtz. I think she smuggled some of our equipment along. We can—we can check out the room and see if anything is still up there.” Her voice broke but she knew that her mind was made up. There was no way she could let her own fear stop her now. She and Holtzmann would have to check out the bedroom.

“Thank you Erin,” Mrs. Gilbert said, rising from her chair and crossing the room to where Erin sat. She pulled her up and into her arms and hugged her tightly. “You know your father and I love you,” she whispered into her hair. “We were just trying to do what we thought was best. We are far from perfect, and what we thought was best was the exact opposite. Please try to forgive us? We’ll never forgive ourselves.”

“Of course mom,” Erin whispered back. There was a lot of hurt there, and Erin didn't think the wounds from her childhood would ever truly heal, but her mother was making an effort and so could she. She hugged her tightly and hoped that maybe there was a chance to mend what had been broken for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you're still reading and enjoying! Like I said, I'm gonna finish this one either way, but encouraging words do help. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, it's been a little while! I'm sorry updates have been so slow, but here we are!
> 
> Many, many thanks to mutantcauliflower for brainstorming with me and helping this poor little southern girl write a convincing snow scene! I couldn't have done it without you!

Erin felt a little better after speaking with her mother, though the tears still flowed freely for several minutes after their talk. After hugging her mother she excused herself to the bathroom to wash her face before she went outside to find Holtzmann and the children. As she crossed the hallway to the downstairs bathroom she paused at the foot of the stairs. Looking up she could see the door to her bedroom. It was closed as she and Holtzmann had left it when they moved their things downstairs the evening before, but she still felt a chill creep up her spine. As much as she tried to tell herself that her nightmare had been just that and nothing more she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something still lurking up there. She swallowed heavily and forced herself to look away.

Erin felt better after she washed her face and avoided looking at the room entirely as she crossed back into the hallway to shrug her coat on. She zipped it up and waved to her mother, who had settled into her chair in the living room again, before opening the door and stepping outside.

It was much colder than she had expected, and the snow was deep enough that her feet disappeared entirely when she walked, leaving deep tracks behind her. Erin hugged herself against the cold, shivering a little as she looked around for Holtzmann and the kids who were nowhere to be seen.

In fact, the yard was too quiet. Up until recently she had heard the sound of her girlfriend and cousins playing and she wasn’t sure when the noises had stopped. Her brows knitted together as she started searching the yard, worried that something had happened to them.

“Holtz?” she called out, hoping that her girlfriend would answer her. Even her running out with a handful of snow and shoving it down her shirt would be welcome at this point, but she heard nothing but silence. “Holtzmann!”

She was about to run a full lap around the rather large yard in search of her girlfriend when out of nowhere a snowball hit her on the side of the head. There was a burst of childish giggling and a few colorful blurs streaked by in her peripheral vision.

As she dug snow out of her ear Erin wondered how she had missed the giant snow fort that was underneath the trees that lined the edge of the yard. It was obviously of Holtzmann’s creation, the packed snow stacked in ways that only an engineer could fathom. She knew full well that her little cousins were creative, but there was no way they could have made a fort of such magnitude by themselves.

Erin grinned, her worry about Holtzmann and the children fading along with any negative feelings she still had from her conversation with her mother. She approached the snow fort carefully, the crunching of her shoes in the snow drowned out by the occasional giggle coming from the creation. It was the sound of children who were trying and failing to be stealthy, and Erin had to hold back her own laughter as she got closer. Once she was in range she had to duck and cover her head as she was suddenly pelted with snowballs.

“Get her!”

“Gimme more ammo! I need more ammo!”

“We got her now!”

The breath was knocked out of her lungs as she hit the ground, four small bodies on top of her. There was snow being ground into her hair and shoved down her shirt and she rolled them off of her. Not being armed as they were she resorted to tickling until all five of them were breathless and shivering, laying together in the snow.

“We got you good,” Claire said, her quiet voice brimming with pride.

“You really did,” Erin said, thinking back to her worry with slight discomfort.

“You should have seen your face!” Hugo cackled, and the rest of the kids joined in. Erin couldn’t help but laugh along with them, their joy contagious.

“Where’s your Aunt Jillian?” she asked, suddenly realizing that she hadn’t been part of the foray. She sat up and glanced around, fully braced for her to pop out of the snow fort and continue the attack.

“She went into the garage,” Juliet said, pointing at the garage door that was ajar.

“She said we can go sledding!” Eloise exclaimed, clapping her gloved hands together in delight.

“Oh no,” Erin said, getting up to investigate. She knew that her dad had all sorts of odds and ends in that garage as he himself liked to tinker with projects more and more as he got closer to retirement. She figured he would get himself into all sorts of trouble when he wasn’t working anymore, but not as much trouble as her girlfriend. If she caused a poof in there Erin would never hear the end of it from her parents. “I’ll be right back. You should make some more snowballs, cause I get the feeling your Auntie Jillian will deserve them.”

The children gleefully set about the task as Erin cautiously approached the garage. Holtzmann had only raised the door a few feet, so Erin practically had to crawl underneath it. She almost ran headlong into Holtzmann, who was on her way out of the garage tugging something out behind her.

“Oh, hey Erin,” she said, looking both surprised and sheepish at having been caught. They both ducked their way out of the garage, Holtzmann trying in vain to hide something behind her back. “I didn’t hear you come outside.”

“Holtz, what is that?” Erin asked, ignoring her comments entirely and trying to peer around her back. Holtzmann spun around in an effort to keep whatever it was out of sight.

“Nothing,” she said, spinning again as Erin walked a full circle around her body.

“Holtzmann, are those my dad’s _skis_?” Erin asked, finally catching Holtzmann off guard by reversing direction. Propped up behind her was a wheelbarrow missing its wheels with a pair of skis haphazardly attached to the bottom. “Please tell me you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

“If you’re thinking that I created a sled that’s gonna kick that hill’s butt, then yes, I’m thinking exactly what you think I’m thinking,” Holtzmann replied with a wink. “Now enough thinking. Let’s go try this baby out.” She made to turn and run but Erin caught her by her elbow.

“Holtz, for starters, this can’t be safe. And what will my dad say when he sees that you’ve dismantled his wheelbarrow and put his skis out of commission?”

Holtzmann blinked a few times, looking down at her creation and then back up at Erin, feigning innocence. “Erin, you know I can put that wheelbarrow back together when we’re done. And when was the last time your dad actually used these skis?” she asked, sidling a little closer. Erin tried to remain firm but sighed after a moment.

“They were a midlife crisis buy,” she said, keeping her voice low enough that the children, who were busy adding layers of snow to their fort, couldn’t hear. “He hasn’t touched them for at least ten years.”

“Thought so,” Holtzmann said with a smug nod. “And as for safety, my dearest Erin, I’ll have you know that despite outward appearances, I am very careful with my creations. I’ll even test it first myself.” She booped her on the nose with a gloved finger.

Erin hesitated. She wanted to argue but found that she couldn’t and dismissed her girlfriend with a wave of her hand. Holtzmann whooped in glee and took off.

“Auntie Jillian, what is that?” Eloise asked, spotting the engineer first. She tried to grab the sled away from her but standing on its end it was taller than her.

“It’s a sled,” Holtzmann replied, dropping it onto the snow and dragging it along behind her to test it out. “We are going sledding. And your Auntie Erin and I are going to try it first to be sure it’s totally safe.” She gave Erin a shit eating grin and Erin groaned. “Right Erin?”

“Fine,” she grumbled not entirely seriously. She knew Holtzmann would never ask her to get into something that she didn’t already know was completely safe. Holtzmann eagerly grabbed her hand and pulled her to the other side of the yard where there was a surprisingly steep slope.

“Get in,” she instructed, holding the sled steady as Erin cautiously clambered inside. She had barely settled in when Holtzmann gave the sled a strong shove and jumped in behind her. She yelled in surprise as they sped down the slope, grabbing Holtzmann’s knee, which was the only part of her she could reach. When they made it to the bottom they didn’t go flying as she had expected, instead coming to a soft, smooth halt. Her legs shook a little as she climbed out.

“I want a turn!” came Eloise’s voice from the top of the slope.

“Here, help me pull it back up,” Holtzmann said, her cheeks bright red from the cold wind. Erin grabbed the top edge of the sled and their fingers brushed. She grinned at Holtzmann then, finally allowing herself to relax.

They went down the slope over and over for the next hour, Erin insisting that the kids always have an adult in the sled with them despite how sturdy it seemed to be. She and Holtzmann took turns riding with the children and even took a few more rides with just the two of them. Erin was having the time of her life and even forgot about the conversation with her mother. Until Holtzmann decided that building a ramp out of snow would be a good idea.

“Are you sure about this?” Erin asked, looking apprehensively down the slope that suddenly seemed much more intimidating.

“Of course,” Holtzmann replied, trudging back up and positioning the sled. “Don’t tell me you’ve never done this.”

Erin chose not to respond, instead climbing into the sled behind Holtzmann and wrapping her arms firmly around her waist. She wasn’t expecting the sharp shove that Juliet and Hugo gave them and clamped her arms tighter as they sped down the hill. Her stomach turned a nasty flipflop when they hit the ramp and went airborne and she could hear Holtzmann cackling in glee. They landed a little harder than either of them had expected and they both tumbled out into the snow.

“Holtzmann!” she exclaimed, laughing and brushing snow off of herself. “That…was actually kind of exciting.” The kids ran down the slope toward them, Eloise tumbling and landing in Erin’s lap. She could feel the child shiver and thought maybe they should go inside soon.

“Auntie Jillian is bleeding,” she said, pointing at Holtzmann. Erin looked up and was alarmed at the small but steady trickle of blood that was running down the side of Holtzmann’s face.

“I’m fine,” Holtzmann said, waving off their concern and wiping at the cut with the back of her hand. “See? Nothing to worry about. That was awesome. Let’s go again.” She and the kids jumped up and were making their way back up the hill when Erin stopped them.

“I think that’s enough sledding for today,” she said, ignoring the whining that came from both the kids and her own girlfriend. “I’m cold anyway. We should go inside and I’ll make hot chocolate.”

Holtzmann squinted skeptically at her, the effect ruined a little by the blood on her face. “Are there marshmallows?”

“I think so,” Erin said, mentally crossing her fingers that there were, indeed, marshmallows.

Holtzmann studied her for a moment longer before looking down at the children, who looked back up at her and shrugged. “Okay,” she said, stepping forward and taking Erin’s hand in her own. “I can compromise.”

*****

Erin could hear shrieks and giggles coming from the living room where she had instructed Holtzmann to get the kids settled in while she made the hot chocolate. She had just finished heating the milk on the stove when her mother walked in and fished something out of the cabinet.

“Don’t forget these,” she said with a smile, dropping a bag of miniature marshmallows on the counter. “I wouldn’t go in there without them if I were you.” Erin was relieved that she and her mother seemed to be okay again. “Or maybe don’t go in there at all.”

“I’m afraid I have to,” Erin replied, a small smile on her face. “I promised them sugary drinks, although I’m beginning to rethink that now.”

“She’s so good with the kids, although she is rather clumsy,” Mrs. Gilbert said, reaching for the milk and putting it away. Erin had cleaned Holtzmann’s cut and applied a bandaid with cats on it, per Holtzmann’s request. “Does she have siblings?”

Erin hesitated. “She grew up in foster care,” she finally said, hoping that she wasn’t crossing a line in telling her mother. “So I think—I think she has a lot of experience with kids.” Mrs. Gilbert was silent for a moment and then something in her posture softened and she put her hand over Erin’s.

“She’s a good one,” she said, grasping Erin’s hand firmly for emphasis. “Hold onto her tight.” She held Erin’s gaze for a long moment and then picked up a few of the mugs and carried them out into the living room where the children’s voices could still be heard.

Erin watched her mother disappear into the living room and stood stunned for several seconds before she gathered herself and followed.

Mrs. Gilbert was handing out the mugs cheerfully and Holtzmann looked over her shoulder at Erin with her eyebrows raised. Erin shrugged and handed out the rest of the mugs. She smiled at her mother as she retreated into the kitchen.

“She seems happy,” Holtzmann remarked as Erin squeezed herself into the small gap between her girlfriend and the arm of the sofa. Eloise was snuggled in Holtzmann’s lap and Hugo and Claire were lined up next to her. Juliet sat at her feet, leaning against her legs. Holtzmann put her arm around Erin and pulled her close and Eloise threw part of the blanket they had dragged in over Erin’s lap.

“What are we watching?” Erin asked, scooting as close as possible to Holtzmann and putting her head on her shoulder.

“Frozen,” Holtzmann replied. “The kids thought it was appropriate.” Despite the justification Erin could tell that her girlfriend was just as captivated by the movie as the kids were. She rolled her eyes but settled in anyway, content with the company even if the movie wasn’t her first choice. Or her last.

*****

That night they slept on the pull out bed again. Erin had almost suggested trying to sleep upstairs. It was a last effort on her part to deny the existence of the ghost, but the words had faltered and failed before they even passed her lips. Holtzmann didn’t even know that the thought had crossed her mind. She had given in toward the end of the movie and admitted that her head actually was hurting. There was a bruise blossoming underneath the bandage.

Now she was lying with her face pressed into Erin’s neck after much grumbling about being injured twice in twenty-four hours. Erin had changed both the bandage on her head as well as the one covering her burn before bed and Holtzmann had done some heavy pouting. Erin combed her fingers though the engineer’s hair, removing pins and working out snags as she went. The night they had stayed together at the firehouse was the first time she had seen her hair down and she had come to love the wild curls. She knew that Holtzmann preferred wearing it up because it was a hazard both to her safety and to her sanity.

As she scratched her scalp lightly she could feel Holtzmann relax against her, releasing a heavy sigh as she wrapped an arm around her waist and nuzzled further into her neck. Erin continued to stroke her hair even after they had been silent long enough that Holtzmann was sure to be asleep.

“I told my mom we would check out the room,”she whispered, testing the words against the darkness. The admission sent a jolt straight to her heart that only repeated itself when she felt Holtzmann stir.

“You what?” the engineer asked, pushing herself up just enough that she could blink blearily at Erin.

Erin bit her lip. “I thought you were asleep,” she said, although she was quietly glad that Holtzmann had heard her.

“I was, almost,” Holtzmann replied, yawning widely and resting her chin against Erin’s chest. “Did you say what I think you said?”

Erin stared determinedly at the ceiling and held her breath until she couldn’t hold it any longer and released it in a sigh of her own. “Yes,” she replied. “I told my mom we would check out the room.” The words didn’t feel any better the second time, but she imagined that she felt just a tiny bit stronger when she said them. She chanced a glance down at Holtzmann and saw that she was smiling tiredly at her.

“Okay,” she said simply before pressing a soft kiss to her lips and flopping down against her again.

“That’s all you have to say?” Erin asked after she had caught her breath. She had expected more excitement or maybe even a snarky remark instead of such a passive answer.

“Yep,” Holtzmann replied, her breath puffing out against Erin’s neck and making her shiver. “It’s your choice Erin, it always has been. But I’m behind you either way. If you change your mind tomorrow then we won’t do it.” She squeezed her a little tighter. “But I hope you don’t change your mind. You deserve to beat this.”

Erin released a breathy laugh and they were silent for a few more minutes. She could tell Holtzmann was still awake. She could sense her attentiveness to every breath and knew that she was expecting her to say something more.

“When I was a kid,” she started, and Holtzmann shifted against her just barely to let her know she was still listening, “I would sneak down here at night. I would wait until my parents had gone to bed and I would gather up my pillows and blankets and come sleep on the sofa. I was all alone dealing with the ghost but I wasn’t even big enough to pull this bed out by myself.”

Holtzmann slipped her fingers underneath the hem of Erin’s shirt and traced small swirls on her hip. Normally the contact would make her shiver and distract her, but she was too deep in her own memories to recognize it as anything but soothing. She took a deep breath.

“My parents would always find me sooner or later. They would make me go back to bed no matter what time of night it was, and she would always be there waiting for me. Even after she stopped appearing I would try to sleep down here.”

“I’m proud of you,” Holtzmann whispered, and Erin could tell from her voice that she wanted to hear everything Erin had to say but she was fighting to stay awake. The words surprised her.

“Why?” she asked, taking Holtzmann’s hand in her own to still the movement that felt more absentminded now than anything.

“Because,” Holtzmann said, pressing a kiss to Erin’s jaw. “You survived a lot E. And you’re still willing to go against the ghost to protect Eloise. That takes a lot of guts. You’re brave.” She yawned again and Erin cracked her first smile since they went to bed.

“I should probably keep you awake,” she said, carefully avoiding too much thought over what Holtzmann had just said. “You know, in case you have a concussion.”

“Nah,” Holtzmann responded, and Erin could feel her grin against her neck. “I’ve had a concussion before. Several actually. This isn’t one. I love you E.”

Erin’s heart jumped in her chest. She still wasn’t used to hearing Holtzmann say those words to her. “I love you too Holtz.” She rolled toward her a little so she could gather the engineer in her arms and hold her close. The morning would come, and when it did Erin would have to make a decision that could change everything. But until then Holtzmann was soft in her arms and her breath was warm on her skin. Erin closed her eyes and focused on these sensations only, and she slowly drifted off.

Morning came faster than she anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, that's your last good dose of fluff before the action starts! (Who am I kidding, you know the fluff isn't over cause that's all I write.) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought here, or feel free to come talk to me on tumblr at ma-ghostly-petite! :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I am so sorry that it's taken me this long to continue this story. Other projects happened and then life happened, and then more life happened and I'm finally hopefully settling back into a writing routine. But I told y'all this wasn't abandoned, and I'm planning to make good on that promise! So here's the next chapter, and we're gearing up (literally) for some action to finally start happening soon! And thanks to mutantcauliflower as always for her awesome brainstorming skills. 
> 
> A quick warning: I used some details from the novelization to build some of the backstory that's discussed in this chapter. It's nothing too bad, but it's kinda creepy and there is some mention of blood. So just fair warning on that one. In other news, the novelization is pretty great and you should read it if you haven't already! 
> 
> Anyway, onward!

When Erin woke again light was just beginning to stream through the curtains in the living room. The house was still and quiet, lacking even the sounds of children talking and laughing excitedly. She blinked blearily a few times, watching the dust motes swirling lazily in the ray of sunshine that fell just next to the bed. Everything was so peaceful that for just a moment she forgot what she had agreed to do today. 

When she remembered her heart skipped a beat and her body went cold as though her blood had been replaced by ice water. She stiffened involuntarily and next to her Holtzmann stirred, groaning a little as she rolled over. Her arm found Erin’s hips under the blanket and she pulled her closer. 

“Erin,” she mumbled, speaking more into Erin’s shoulder than to Erin herself. “It’s still really early. Sleep a little more?”

“I don’t think I can,” Erin whispered back, rolling into the engineer’s warm, sleepy body. If this were any other morning she would want to fall back asleep, as comfortable as Holtzmann and the bed both were. But this morning thoughts of what awaited them in her childhood bedroom were rattling around in her mind so she couldn’t relax enough to sleep. She wriggled closer to Holtzmann and buried her face in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply and willing herself to relax. She still smelled vaguely of firework smoke.

“You can’t sleep, can you?” Holtzmann asked after several minutes had passed. Erin groaned. 

“No, I’m sorry. I just keep thinking about everything.” She rolled onto her back, Holtzmann’s arm still wrapped around her hips, keeping her close.

“Can I tell you something then?” Holtzmann asked, propping herself up on her elbow so she could look down at Erin. The bandage on her forehead was beginning to peel off at the edges, and her gravity defying curls were lit softly in the early morning light. The image made Erin smile despite herself. Holtzmann reached up to brush a strand of hair away from Erin’s forehead and her touch lingered, hesitant and nervous. 

Erin nodded. “Of course.”

Holtzmann sighed, running her fingertips down Erin’s body and then lacing their fingers together. She brought their joined hands up to her mouth and kissed her knuckles. Erin noticed that her brow was furrowed hard in thought, a little worry line appearing on her forehead. “Remember when I fell in your room the other day?” she asked, waiting for Erin’s nod before she continued. “There was some ectoplasm on the floor. I slipped in it.” She looked up to meet Erin’s eye, guilt plainly written there. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to scare you more than you already were. Now that you want to bust the ghost I thought you should know.” She kissed Erin’s hand again. “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. Please don’t be mad at me?”

Her expression was full of remorse and Erin closed her eyes so she could think. “I’m not mad,” she said haltingly, squeezing Holtzmann’s hand as she willed her pulse to slow. “I wish you had told me earlier though. It would have made this decision easier.”

“What do you mean?” Holtzmann asked. 

“I mean now I know she’s back. And I can’t leave her there. I don’t want Eloise or any of the kids to go through what I went through,” she sighed again, noting the way her breath shook in her chest. “And my parents stay here too. They never saw her, but that doesn’t mean anything. We’ve seen what these ghosts can do Holtz, and she’s got to be at least a class four.”

“I’m sorry Erin,” Holtzmann repeated, her gaze dropping. 

“It’s okay Holtz. I know you were just trying to watch out for me,” Erin replied with a small smile. 

They were silent for a few minutes, Holtzmann gently running her fingers through Erin’s hair. Erin closed her eyes at the contact, trying to will herself to relax. She could feel the tension in her own body.

“Hey E?” Holtzmann asked quietly, her fingernails scratching at Erin’s scalp softly. Erin hummed in response. “You said she haunted you for a year and then disappeared. Why do you think she’s back?”

Erin hesitated, keeping her eyes determinedly closed as she thought. For a long moment she considered telling Holtzmann she didn’t know, but when she opened her eyes and saw how concerned her girlfriend looked she sighed softly. 

“About a year after she died and she started haunting me her house burned down. I had just turned nine and it had been sitting empty for most of the year. People would move in and leave not long after. No one knew for sure what caused the fire. It burned hot, hotter than any of the firefighters were expecting. I remember the neighborhood talking about how unexpected the fire was, and how it didn’t make any sense. I thought it was her final act of revenge because I was sure our house would go up in flames, too. And it got close a few times. The firefighters even sprayed our house with water to try to keep it from catching.” She broke off abruptly, vivid memories of being nine years old and watching the house burn coming to her mind. She remembered standing on the street outside her own house, watching terrified as she waited for it to begin to smoke and spark. She remembered shaking as she clutched at her parents, her only source of comfort even though for a year their relationship had already been strained because of the therapy sessions. She hadn’t trusted her parents for a long time by then.

“My parents told me later that I was imagining things, and I regretted saying anything when it was brought up in my therapy session that week, but at the time I swore I heard her wailing and saw her walking around in the flames.” She trailed off, caught up in the memory. She felt Holtzmann shiver, and when she lay down and tucked herself against Erin’s side goosebumps had broken out all over her arms. 

“Do you really think she was in your room with us the other night?” Holtzmann asked in a whisper against Erin’s neck. 

“If you found ectoplasm then yes, I think she was there,” Erin replied. She stared at the ceiling as she replayed her dream in her mind. “I don’t think she was fully manifested, but I think she was there.”

“Why do you think she came back?”

Erin considered the question carefully. She wasn’t used to the engineer being so subdued; usually she was a ball of energy when analyzing spiritual entities. This slightly frightened version of her was something Erin hadn’t experienced much. 

“Earlier this year they rebuilt the house,” Erin said softly. She felt Holtzmann suck in a breath. “The lot sat empty for years. Once they demolished the burnt house they never rebuilt. That burned out shell of a house haunted my dreams for so long. They let it sit like that for the better part of the year. I could smell it in my room sometimes if the wind blew right. The neighborhood kids used to dare each other to go in there at night. One of the boys fell through the floor and broke his arm, and after that they finally demolished the house. I tried to sneak over there afterwards and spread salt in the dirt but my parents caught me and stopped me. I got in a lot of trouble for that.

“I can’t say for sure, but if I had to guess I would say she’s back because the house is back. My mom called me when they started rebuilding. They used to original floor plan and everything. It’s almost identical. Why she thought I’d be interested in that bit of information is beyond me.”

There was silence for a few minutes after Erin finished her story and she could sense that neither of them were going to sleep any more now. After a while Holtzmann sighed and sat up. 

“Maybe we should figure out how we wanna handle this thing,” she said, stretching so that her back popped a few times. “The longer we wait the worse it’ll feel.”

“I’m not backing out,” Erin said, feeling the need to prove herself. Holtzmann smiled down at her. 

“I know,” she said quietly, reaching down so she could run her fingers through Erin’s hair. “I didn’t think you were. But this bust is different. It means more. I don’t want to just rush in blind.”

“I’ve never seen you serious about a bust,” Erin said, her attempt at teasing falling flat in the quiet house. Earlier the silence had been a comfort, but now it just made chills creep up Erin’s spine until she shivered. 

“This isn’t just a bust,” Holtzmann said seriously. “The safety of your family is at stake, and Erin I would do anything to protect them.”

Erin sat up so she could face Holtzmann properly. Tears sprang to her eyes and she wiped at them furiously, irritated at herself for allowing this trip to turn her into such an emotional mess. “You have no idea how much this means to me Holtz,” she said, hoping that she had missed her tears. Holtzmann had an endearingly infuriating way of noticing everything about her, and true to form she reached out and brushed the wetness off her cheeks before pulling her in gently for a kiss. Erin felt herself melt, forgetting that her parents and cousins were just upstairs. 

Holtzmann broke the kiss first, staring down into her lap instead of looking Erin in the eye. Her hands slid down Erin’s arms so she could lace their fingers together and the worry line was back between her eyebrows. “Erin, I’ve never been the kind of person that people bring home to meet the parents,” she began, her voice so quiet that Erin had to lean in closer to hear her. “I’ve never gotten that far with anyone. It gets to this point and then they—I’m not that person. This is intimacy on a level that I’ve never reached. I know that we’ve…tip-toed around some of the physical stuff but this—this runs so much deeper than that.” 

Holtzmann’s voice broke and Erin dropped her hands, reaching up so she could cup her cheeks and gently coax her to look her in the eye. Holtzmann bit her lip and redirected her gaze somewhere just above Erin’s left shoulder. “I’m not girlfriend material,” she whispered. “I know that. But here I am at your parents’ house after being with you for such a short amount of time. And it feels like home already. I know you’re scared that they’re going to do something stupid or embarrassing, but I have loved every minute of this. I’ve never had this before. I don’t want to move too fast or make you feel pressured, but this feels like family, and I would do anything to protect family.”

Erin realized that her mouth was hanging open a little as she processed everything Holtzmann had said. Words wouldn’t come so instead she pulled her into a tight embrace, burying her face in her neck. She could feel Holtzmann hesitate before wrapping her arms around Erin’s shoulders in return. The engineer’s body was trembling like she had just run a marathon. 

“I love you,” Erin whispered, still feeling the jolt that ran through her body when she spoke the words. She took a calming breath as the weight of her own words hit her. After wanting her from afar for so long and after Holtzmann had showed her over and over how much she loved her on this trip the words felt right even if they were spoken a little sooner than Erin would normally feel comfortable with. “And whoever told you that you’re not girlfriend material was an idiot. But I’m glad, because then I might not have you.”

Holtzmann laughed breathlessly and squeezed her tighter. “You would Erin,” she murmured into her shirt. She shifted and Erin’s body went warm when she felt lips on her neck. “We would have ended up together. I can feel it.”

They sat together for a while, simply breathing each other in as the sun slowly rose outside and the living room brightened, and when they pulled apart the light reflected off Holtzmann’s hair and made her bright, too. 

“You wanna kick some ghost ass?” Holtzmann asked, gently breaking the moment. She clambered clumsily off the bed and held her hand out for Erin to take. Erin regarded her for a moment before smiling and taking her hand. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” she said, forcing her nerves away as she joined Holtzmann. 

*****

It turned out that Holtzmann had brought more than just a few gadgets from the lab. After breakfast, which Erin couldn’t bring herself to eat no matter how much coaxing she received from both her mother and Holtzmann, they went outside to retrieve their gear. Holtzmann backed the hearse up the long driveway like a pro, making Erin’s nerves go haywire. Her family stood in the doorway watching, unusually silent except for a quiet gasp from her mother when the hearse came into view. When Holtzmann opened the trunk Erin’s jaw dropped. 

“How did you bring all this without me noticing?” she asked as Holtzmann pulled out one of their proton packs and checked it over. “More importantly, how did you sneak this out without Abby noticing?”

“You were pretty caught up with the whole going home thing,” Holtzmann replied with a shrug. “I just snuck these babies in here under our luggage. I thought they might come in handy just in case. And—Abby knew about it. In fact, she wanted us to come armed. Just in case.”

Erin felt a sudden surge of affection for her best friend. Even after so many years apart she still knew how to take care of Erin even when they weren’t together. “Do Abby and Patty have enough gear?” she asked, pulling her own pack from the vehicle. With its weight in her hands she felt more confident than she had the whole trip so far. She realized she missed feeling strong. 

“Of course,” Holtzmann said, her torso halfway into the trunk as she felt around for the rest of the equipment. “I promise, I left more than enough behind that they can handle themselves. They won’t miss anything.” She pulled their coveralls out last, handing Erin her pair. “I even brought these, since we all know you’ll probably get slimed.”

Erin took the coveralls, running the course fabric through her fingers. She swallowed heavily and sat down on the edge of the trunk, her legs suddenly weak. Holtzmann was by her side in an instant. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting next to her and taking one of her hands. Erin was surprised when she noticed how badly they were shaking. 

“I almost forgot,” she whispered quietly so her family couldn’t hear over their own soft conversation on the porch, and her voice trembled as well. “I don’t know how I forgot. I guess I blocked it out. But it’s not ectoplasm…with her. I think it’s blood.”

There was a brief hesitation before Holtzmann moved so she could kneel in front of Erin and look her in the eye. She chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully before speaking and Erin could sense that she had truly unnerved her with the comment. She rested her hands lightly on Erin’s thighs. 

“E, ghosts feed off of fear,” she said slowly, weighing her words carefully. “We’ve seen it on busts, and Abby and I studied what we could in the lab at Higgins long before you came storming into my life. It’s like an extra scare tactic. I don’t doubt you in the slightest. But it was ectoplasm. I am 99% sure of it. It may have looked and felt like blood because she was trying to scare you, but underneath it was ectoplasm.” She squeezed her leg gently. “Do you believe me?”

Erin nodded slowly. She remembered Abby talking about studying how ghosts could turn a person’s fear back on them, and she believed Holtzmann, but now that the image was back in her mind forgetting it was difficult. 

“Come on, let’s go get this ghost,” Holtzmann said, pulling her to her feet with a firm hand. 

*****

It took Erin longer than usual to pull on her coveralls. Her hands were shaking as she tried to button them up and when she finally emerged from the downstairs bathroom Holtzmann was already suited up. She was busy checking her sidearms and Erin’s heart almost stopped when she saw the children bouncing around at her feet. 

“Holtzmann!” she exclaimed, as Hugo reached out for one of the bright dials on the proton pack. 

“Woah, hey, let’s maybe don’t touch that, okay?” Holtzmann said, turning and crouching so she was on the same level as the kids. 

“You’re going to go trap Eloise’s nightmares, right?” he asked seriously, holding his sister’s hand protectively. “Can we go with you?”

Erin smiled at the little boy’s words. Holtzmann glanced at Erin over her shoulder, a stricken look on her face. 

“That’s—yes, that’s what we’re going to do,” she said, her voice breaking a little as she spoke. “Your auntie and I are going to make sure everything is safe, okay? But you have to stay downstairs. Can you wait for us? We won’t be long.”

“Why can’t we come with you?” Juliet asked, her hands clutched in front of her. She was fidgeting with her hands, a nervous trait Holtzmann had come to associate with Erin’s family. “We can help.”

There was a fear in Holtzmann’s eyes that Erin wasn’t accustomed to as she explained to the kids what they were doing and why they couldn’t come along. She couldn’t place the expression at first, but when she realized what Holtzmann was thinking she felt the same fear course through her. She turned on her heel and walked quickly into the kitchen, seeking out her parents. 

“Mom, Dad, I have a favor to ask you,” she said, hovering in the doorway. Her mother’s eyes raked over her and Erin was glad that her proton pack was still sitting in the hallway powered down. “You have to keep the kids in here. They can’t come upstairs while we’re—while we’re taking care of things. It’s too dangerous.”

Her mother opened her mouth to say something but her father cut her off. “Of course we will dear,” he said, turning from where he was putting the breakfast dishes away. “We’ll keep them in the living room with us.”

Erin started to follow her father out of the kitchen when her mother’s voice stopped her in her tracks. 

“Dangerous?” she asked, a small quiver in her words. “How dangerous?”

Erin paused in the doorway with her back to her mother. She couldn’t lie; busting could be very dangerous at times. Her mind flickered back to when she had jumped into the portal after Abby and how close they had both come to losing their lives. Or that very first bust in the subway station when she had almost been hit by the train. Her mother did not need to hear about those busts. 

“We’ll be fine Mom,” she said, crossing the kitchen and hugging her mother tightly. It had been a long time since she had felt this close to her parents. Now that they were finally beginning to believe her, even a little bit, Erin felt a relief that she hadn’t felt since she was a child. “We’re professionals. But if one of the children comes running upstairs under our feet it could be really dangerous for everyone. So keep them down here, okay?”

She felt her mother nod and pulled away, smiling at her in a way she hoped was reassuring before turning and joining Holtzmann in the hallway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking this will probably be wrapped up in another two or so chapters, but I always say that and then get long winded, so there's really no telling. I hope you enjoyed, and to those who have stuck with me for this long and through the mini-hiatus, thank you!!! :) And stay tuned, cause I'm hoping to update faster now that I'm working on this one again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, so this has been a long time coming. I've realized that action is not my forte, and that probably shows here, but it was a really great challenge and I'd like to continue to challenge myself with scenes like this in the future. (Although really I think it turned more into suspense than anything.) I had such vivid images for this in my mind and I hope they come through in this chapter. Again, I used the novelization by Nancy Holder as a reference for the backstory. 
> 
> Just a warning, there's some creepy/slightly disturbing stuff in here. I'm pretty easily spooked, so I can't gauge how creepy it actually is, but I did have to stop writing a few times late at night because I was putting myself on edge. So maybe proceed with caution if you're easily scared like me? lol

“Are you ready?”

Erin’s feet felt like they were glued to the floor as she stood in the hallway looking up the stairwell. Her proton pack was heavy and comforting on her back, and Holtzmann’s hand found her own, winding their fingers together briefly before letting go to seek her own proton wand. Despite the warmth of the house that Erin had previously found cozy a chill ran through her. There was an echoing in her ears that made her feel far away from everything around her. She could hear her own loud breathing and for just a moment worried that she might pass out. 

Then came Holtzmann’s hands again, firm on her shoulders so similar to how she had touched Hugo just minutes before. She turned Erin toward her and pressed their foreheads together, standing on her tiptoes so she could reach. 

“Hey, calm down. Breathe with me, okay?” she said, taking a few deep breaths that Erin mimicked to the best of her ability. “Erin, I don’t know what might happen up there, but I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you, okay? Please trust me?”

Erin swallowed heavily and nodded, taking one more shaky breath before pulling away. “I do trust you Holtz,” she said, her fingers tightening on the barrel of her proton wand. “I really do. I’m just so scared.” There was a distinct waver to her voice that she hated hearing. 

“I know,” Holtzmann replied with a weak smile. “I’m a little scared too. But it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. Are you ready?”

Erin nodded again, brushing a careful finger across the bandage on Holtzmann’s forehead before steeling herself and turning her back on her girlfriend to walk up the stairs ahead of her. She had been avoiding this walk ever since the first night they were here, apart from going upstairs to wish the children goodnight. She had even been using the downstairs bathroom to avoid passing her old bedroom more than was necessary. 

Now she felt as though she was walking through a quickly shrinking tunnel. The prospect of reentering the bedroom was overwhelming, and willingly seeking out her childhood ghost made her feel vaguely insane. She could hear her heart pounding louder in her ears with every step, and it was only the sound of Holtzmann’s boots on the stairs behind her that reminded her to breathe. 

“Okay,” she whispered when she reached the door, more to herself than to Holtzmann. She stretched out a hand to the doorknob but pulled it back sharply with a gasp. It was as cold as ice. “It’s okay,” she said again, louder this time, and she felt Holtzmann’s hand brush over the small of her back. “Just cold. Totally fine.”

Before her nerves could get the best of her she reached out and swung the door open abruptly. A rush of stale air greeted them, even stronger than the first night they had stayed there, and they both shivered. Erin could hear the radiator rattling away under the window and yet her breath puffed out in little clouds of vapor. She stepped through the door and heard Holtzmann do the same behind her, her proton pack rattling a little with her movement. 

“Close the door,” Erin said quietly, and after a brief hesitation she heard Holtzmann push it shut. They were properly trapped now. If something happened there was no way they were leaving quickly. Erin took a few small steps backward until she could feel Holtzmann’s arm pressed against her own. The contact made her feel stronger. 

They stood still for a few minutes, and as the stale, silent air settled around them Erin began to feel foolish. Had she just been imagining things when she had her dream? Holtzmann hadn’t dreamed up the ectoplasm that she slipped in, that was for sure. But how could they know that this was Erin’s ghost and not just some wandering spirit that had decided to make its home in her parents’ house? She shook her head, trying to dislodge her doubts. 

“H-Holtz?” Erin asked after some time had passed with no sign of the ghost apart from the unnatural chill in the room. “How do we know if she’s here?”

Holtzmann looked sideways at her and there was a deep line between her eyebrows as she thought. “I don’t know,” she replied slowly. “I didn’t bring Abby’s PKE meter. And we’ve never had to call a ghost to us. Usually they’re more than eager to show themselves.”

Erin thought back to previous busts and realized that Holtzmann was right. Every ghost they had encountered so far had shown up with little prompting from them. Rowan had had some kind of ghost attraction devices, but while she had been more than eager to study them Holtzmann was adamant about not recreating them even for research. 

“What if I’m wrong?” Erin asked after another long silence had stretched itself across the room. “What if I’m imagining things?” She bit her lip and turned her face away from Holtzmann, knowing that her horror at the thought had seeped through into her voice. 

“Hey,” Holtzmann said, walking around so she could look her in the eye. “You’re not imagining things. I may not have seen her myself, but I did see the ectoplasm she left. And smell.” She sniffed the air for emphasis and Erin followed suit, feeling a little sick as the stale air fill her lungs. “The air is distinctly ionized. It’s old and faint, but it’s there. There’s something going on here.” She brought a gloved hand up to cup Erin’s cheek and her fingertips were like ice. “You’re not crazy Erin. I promise. At least, you’re no crazier than I am.” She winked and Erin laughed shakily. 

“That doesn’t solve our problem though,” she replied uncertainly. “I thought she would be ready to pop out as soon as we came up here but I’m not even getting a sense of her.” She felt her heart sink. After all the buildup and nerves it was beginning to look like it was for nothing. Eventually the snow outside would melt enough that they could head home, and after realizing that the ghost was still there Erin couldn’t bear the thought of leaving it behind with her family. 

Holtzmann seemed to be thinking hard, and she shot Erin an apprehensive look and licked her lips. 

“Maybe,” she began slowly, still worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “Maybe we need to set the scene. Maybe she needs something she’s familiar with.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Erin, dearest, would you sit on the bed for me?” Holtzmann asked, taking her upper arm and gently guiding them to the bed. “Don’t—don’t let go of your proton wand. I’m not sure what we’re doing here and I don’t want any surprises.” Erin could sense her nerves and willed herself not to panic as Holtzmann moved away from her. She hit the light switch and then quickly crossed the room and drew the curtains, plunging them into near darkness. It fell over Erin like a blanket and sucked the breath from her body. She gasped and Holtzmann was by her side in an instant. 

“Don’t panic E,” she whispered, pressing her body against Erin’s where she sat tentatively on the edge of the bed. “You said she would come to you in bed in the middle of the night. This is the best we can do right now.” 

“Don’t leave me,” Erin said, and even she was surprised by how strangled her voice sounded. She clutched at Holtzmann’s arm. 

“I would never,” Holtzmann replied, standing close and resting a hand on Erin’s shoulder. They held each other for several heart stopping minutes, watching the dark space around them. Erin felt Holtzmann shiver as she strained her vision against the darkness, trying to see as her eyes slowly adjusted. 

It was like no other bust she had ever been on. They had never felt so helpless, sitting and waiting for a ghost to find them, and Erin had never seen Holtzmann so unsure of herself. She was used to her rushing headlong, even recklessly, into situations. Feeling her tremble next to her, a mixture of nerves and cold, made Erin all the more on edge. 

“Mrs. Barnard?” Erin addressed the silent air hesitantly when she felt she could no longer bear waiting. Holtzmann jumped, not expecting her to speak. “Mrs. Barnard, are you there?”

Nothing in the room stirred. She could feel Holtzmann holding her breath as they listened hard but there was nothing. Erin felt as though she was breathing past a large lump in her throat and she tried to clear it before speaking again. 

“Mrs. Barnard, I’m sorry,” she choked out. Holtzmann’s grip tightened on her shoulder and Erin sensed that she had startled her again, this time with the tone of her voice. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to happen.”

She clutched her proton wand tightly, her freezing cold fingers stiff and aching against the metal. She felt small, even sitting in the bed that she had long since outgrown. The bed and the darkness seemed to swallow her and she barely felt Holtzmann’s hand on her shoulder even as her grip tightened to almost painful levels. She was eight years old again, alone in the darkness with no one to run to. 

“Corky didn’t mean it either,” she said. She felt a cold wetness on her face and jumped, but when she reached up to brush it away she realized she was crying. “He was just a puppy, he didn’t know any better. We didn’t mean for your rooster to get killed.” She wiped at her face again. “I’m sorry about Ernesto. I’m—” She froze in mid-sentence and straightened on the bed, her tears drying on her face. 

“Holtz,” she whispered. She felt like she was waking up from a dream as she dragged her mind away from the past. She reached over to clutch at Holtzmann’s arm and could feel her shaking. “Do you smell that?” Her own voice wavered. 

“Yeah,” Holtzmann replied, sniffing the air around them. Even now that her eyes had adjusted to the dark Erin could barely make out her outline. “What is that?” 

“Garbage,” Erin whispered in return. “She used to burn her garbage at all hours of the night. The first time she haunted me I smelled it. Right after—” The sound of a rooster crowing filled the bedroom and Erin jumped almost involuntarily from the bed, aiming her proton wand into the darkness as every muscle in her body tensed. Holtzmann’s hands came up to rest on her shoulders. 

“Steady,” she whispered, her hands firm on Erin’s arms. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She moved to stand next to Erin, raising her own proton wand, but after a moment she started to choke as the garbage smell got stronger. “Wow, that’s really bad.”

Erin stood stiff, her fear outweighing her repulsion at the smell as her eyes darted around the room unseeingly. “Where are you?” she murmured under her breath. The smell was strong but there was no ghost to be seen. Erin could feel the panic rising in her chest and she tried to push it down. There was too much at stake here for her to lose control. 

Suddenly a gust of foul smelling air rushed through the room and Erin felt a chill run down her spine. In the tiny amount of light that was still coming in through the curtains she could just make out the lightly glowing silhouette of a woman standing across from them on the other side of the bed. She didn’t move, instead just staring at them from sunken eye sockets that seemed to have their own faint glow. 

Erin felt Holtzmann reach up to push her glasses into her hair so she could see better in the dim light. There was a sharp intake of breath when she finally focused in on the apparition. 

“Is that her?” she asked so quietly that Erin almost didn’t hear her. She had never heard her sound so strained. 

“Yes,” she whispered back. Neither of them moved a muscle, fearful of provoking the ghost before they had a solid plan of action. The smell in the room was reaching almost unbearable heights. 

“Shoot?” Holtzmann asked, and Erin nodded slowly. “On three then. One, two, three!” She said the last number loudly and she and Erin both fired at the same time. Just as the proton streams reached the ghost she vanished and they ricocheted off the wall instead. They ducked and the foul smelling wind rushed past them again, ruffling Erin’s bangs and blowing Holtzmann’s glasses off her head where they clattered noisily to the floor. The door slammed open and Erin gasped. 

“She went downstairs! Holtzmann, my family!” Erin couldn’t do anything to stop the rising panic in her voice. She dashed toward the stairs without thinking and heard the pounding of Holtzmann’s boots right behind her. They reached the landing quickly and Erin froze, her blood going cold. She heard Holtzmann skid to a stop, nearly crashing into her from behind. Erin was glad she didn’t because she would have sent Erin sprawling down the stairs and right into the sight that met them at the bottom. 

Eloise was standing at the bottom of the staircase. Although she didn’t look very different Erin could tell immediately that something was wrong. She stood stiffly with her arms limp at her sides, her head tilted slightly like a puzzled puppy. The posture was unnatural on the active five-year-old, and her eyes had a strange, unfocused look to them even though her gaze rested on Erin. The downstairs was silent and Erin felt her chest constrict as she wondered what had become of her family. They would never have let Eloise wander off like this knowing how dangerous the situation was. 

The three of them stood still for a moment, regarding each other. Erin could hear Holtzmann’s labored breathing behind her. When she focused harder on Eloise she could see the little girl’s chest rising and falling at least twice as fast as normal. Something red was slowly running down the side of her face from her ear and Erin realized with a jolt that it was the same red colored ectoplasm that had haunted her for so long as a child. 

_‘Not blood,’_ she told herself, trying to organize her jumbled thoughts and coming up with only that. _‘Not blood. Not blood. Not blood.’_

“Hello Erin,” Eloise spoke up. Her voice was the same, sweet, childish voice that Erin knew so well and yet underneath she could almost make out the old woman’s wheeze. “Remember me? And Jillian. I’ve gotten to know you so well over the last few days.”

Erin took a step backward, colliding with Holtzmann who stood firm. The movement seemed to trigger something in the ghost. She used Eloise’s body to step closer, mounting the first stair. 

“You thought I was gone,” Mrs. Barnard continued speaking in Eloise’s voice and Erin felt the breath leave her body at the idea of this horrible woman using her cousin. “I was gone for a while, but they rebuilt my house. Wasn’t that kind?” Another step forward. “I can’t get my rooster back though. He’s gone. Your dog is gone too, isn’t he Erin?”

Erin covered her mouth with a gloved hand, choking back an involuntary sob. 

“Do you miss your dog Erin? I missed my rooster. I still miss him. Constantly. And it’s all. Your. Fault.” She ended on a snarl as she advanced another step and Erin felt Holtzmann’s hand close around her upper arm. She didn’t know if it was for Erin’s benefit or her own but she appreciated the grounding that the touch provided. 

“I don’t think animals become ghosts,” Mrs. Barnard said casually, her voice, _Eloise’s voice,_ losing its bite again. She was halfway up the staircase now and Erin found that she didn’t want the ghost to touch her, even if it was currently residing in her cousin’s body. She pressed against Holtzmann and she gave way, allowing them both to retreat several steps down the upstairs hallway. 

“We can’t shoot her,” Holtzmann whispered close to Erin’s ear. “I don’t know what proton streams do to humans but I can guess it wouldn’t be pretty.”

“I know what they would do to a human,” the ghost said, somehow hearing Holtzmann’s comment even as low as she had spoken. There was a sinister smile on her face and Erin felt another chill seize her body at the dark, articulate words being spoken in Eloise’s voice. “Do you care to find out?” When neither Erin nor Holtzmann moved the ghost chuckled low. “I didn’t think so.” She closed her little hand around the banister, peering through the slats at Erin.

“You killed me Erin,” she whispered, her voice turning threatening. “You didn’t pull a knife or shoot a gun. But you killed me sure as anything. You and that dog.” Her eyes flickered behind Erin to rest on Holtzmann. “And people laughed at you, didn’t they? After I started visiting you at night? No one believed you. They laughed and you were alone. She’ll laugh too. Everyone does, in the end. And then you’ll be alone again.”

Erin felt frozen to the spot. She knew that Holtzmann still had a hand on her arm but she couldn’t feel it anymore. Her whole body was numb as she listened to the words that were feeling less and less like the ghost’s and more like they were coming from Eloise herself. 

“Don’t listen to her,” Holtzmann said aloud, reading her mind. “That’s not Eloise. She loves you Erin. _I_ love you. And I’m sure as hell not laughing.” She addressed the ghost directly with her last statement and Erin knew that if she could see her face she would be glaring at the tiny figure in front of them. 

The ghost, on the other hand, was grinning from ear to ear as she ascended the last stair and stood facing them at the other end of the hallway. Erin had seen Eloise grin before but this looked inhuman. She no longer stood stiffly; it appeared that Mrs. Barnard had grown accustomed to her new body. There was a moment where time seemed to freeze. The ghost braced herself and Erin felt Holtzmann’s hand leave her arm. Before she knew what was happening the ghost rushed them and Holtzmann sprung in front of Erin, shielding her. The child’s body collided with Holtzmann’s and she drug her to the ground. She took most of the impact with her own body but Erin still heard the dull thump of Eloise’s head hitting the floor and suddenly the whole hallway was glowing. 

“Shoot her Erin!” Holtzmann was shouting as she used her own body to cover Eloise so the ghost couldn’t reenter. “Take her out!”

For a moment Erin still felt frozen. She forced herself out of her stupor and as she aimed her proton wand it felt as though she was moving through a heavy molasses. She pulled the trigger and from the floor Holtzmann drew herself up enough to add her own proton stream to the mix. 

“Hold her!” she shouted, and though she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the ghost that was writhing in the two streams, in her periphery she could see Holtzmann fumbling with something at her belt. She pulled the pin of what appeared to be a small grenade with her teeth and threw it at the ghost with her free hand. There was a flash of bright light and Erin had to fight to keep her eyes trained on the explosion. After a moment it faded and the hallway was empty. 

Erin was momentarily blinded by the imprint that remained on her vision. As it faded she felt her knees give way and she dropped to the floor with a soft thud. Holtzmann, who was cradling Eloise’s head in her lap, reached out a hand. Erin’s limbs felt like lead and Holtzmann moved to squeeze her knee instead. 

“Do you think she’s okay?” Holtzmann asked in a strangled voice. She stroked a hand through Eloise’s hair and wiped some of the ectoplasm away from her face. 

Erin crawled over to where they were sitting. She could see the child’s chest rising and falling normally now, and when her fingers found the pulse at her neck it was pounding away at a steady pace. 

“I think so. But maybe we should have her looked at just in case. She hit her head pretty hard.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Holtzmann said, looking at Erin with wide, frightened eyes. “I was trying to stop her and I knew that impact works but I never meant for her to hit her head.”

“I know Holtz,” Erin said gently. “I know. And it’s okay. You saved us both.” 

Holtzmann opened her mouth to protest when Eloise stirred. She blinked a few times and when her eyes landed on Erin and Holtzmann she immediately started crying. She scrambled up from her place on the floor and threw her arms around Holtzmann’s neck. Holtzmann tentatively hugged the child and her frightened gaze found Erin. 

There was a sudden commotion from downstairs and Erin could hear alarmed voices carrying up to the landing. Whatever veil the ghost had managed to pull over her family had disappeared with her and Erin knew that soon they would be rushing upstairs to look for Eloise. Erin scooted in closer and wrapped her arms around both Holtzmann and the child, holding them close. 

“I think—” she began, tucking her face into Holtzmann’s neck and taking a deep breath. The engineer’s familiar scent was comforting. “I think it’s really over.”

“It is E,” Holtzmann murmured back, pressing her cheek against Erin’s hair. “It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! You've all been so kind with your comments and your patience with my slow updates! I wanna say that there's one more chapter left but if you've read anything else of mine you know I can get long winded. But I'm aiming for one more chapter to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and see you next time. :)


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